I Hated That Picture Yesterday...

...so I had to take a couple of pictures of CruiserDog, fresh from getting his hair done. Isn't this better than that rodent pic?

This was CruiserDog taking a well-deserved nap. The beauty parlor is so taxing. It's hard to be this handsome.

This is the intense stare my sandwich got once he woke up. He seems to forget that he always gets the last bite, not the first.

Where's A Pied Piper When You Need One?

A month or two ago, a friend of mine had an up-close-and-personal encounter in my backyard during the day with a mother possum (and her babies - aw...how ugly) near some bushes that line my patio. I never saw "momma" or her little ones and figure they moved on to greener pastures, or at least next door. And that was good. Amen.

Fast-forward to yesterday afternoon...I'm chatting away on the phone and something grabbed my attention on the patio, poking it's little furry nose through a latticed brick wall that is between my patio and aforementioned bushes.

"It's a little bunny!", I exclaimed. No wait - aw for the love of Todd, it's a goddamn mouse. Phuckity phuck.

I've hardly had any bugs in this house that I bought 6 years ago (good thing!) and now I have a frickin' mouse. Gotta call some guy with a giant fiberglass termite on his car, I guess. It's not like I didn't blow a wad of cash on my trips this summer. It's only money, right?

I continued with my convo when suddenly cute little mouse steps through the hole in the brick wall and scampers towards my sliding glass door.

Oh hell no - that ain't no mouse - it's a RAT!

Needless to say, CruiserDog is now pottying in the front yard thankyouverymuch, until "Ben" is properly evicted.

I called today to get someone out right away and to my complete gross-out surprise, I was told rats travel in at least pairs and they can birth 10 micies (who will "do it" with eachother) every 45 days and so on and so on and they tell two friends and they tell two friends.... you get the picture.

I pondered selling the house briefly, but was told that my new superhero Joe (who surely drives a car with a gianormous fiberglass rodent on it's roof - which will thrill the neighbors) will be right out to put out a "bait station" which cannot hurt, nor even attract CruiserDog, but will make Ben and his family to have an upset stomach, not want to take it to the fam, go under someone's woodpile (of which I don't have - heh) and depart this world. (No worries, I asked about secondary death and this place is super-green and even if a neighbor's cat or dog were to find ex-Ben, they would not be made ill. I'm nothing if not a responsible pet lover.)

And I sit here wondering how many nights I took CruiserDog in the back yard barefooted and unarmed. My skin crawls as I type that sentence. There's only one word that comes to mind: eeewwwwwwwwwww.

Ratatouille anyone?

Being Platinum Has It's Privileges

Ahoy, mateys! Yes, CruiserMel has finally grabbed an opportunity to continue the rep of CruiserDiety. I was beginning to wonder why I was calling myself CruiserMel at all, frankly, since it had been a year (or was it more?) since I had hit the high seas. But as you know, my year's been wacky what with my madre's passing and all that goes with that, as well as some other shit that you needn't worry your warped little mind about, you four folks who actually read this lame blog.

It all started out with a lone, but oh so fun drive to Houston on Saturday. I plugged in my iPod to the AUX plug of the CruiserCar and shuffled my way through 4 hours of my favorite tunes, slogged through Houston's God-awful traffic (on a Saturday?), found my hotel and asked the front desk idiot where I could get some fresh seafood for dinner. (I'd been Jonesin' all day...) She pointed me to THE most touristy and overcrowded area of Houston (Kemah, actually) wherein I got mired in yet another hour of traffic before I could give up, turn around and hit a hamburger drive-through. I supposed I could've chosen the fish sandwich, but since it was probably processed in June somewhere in Arizona, I elected to go traditional and get a burger and headed to my hotel. *sigh* I think I talked on the phone a couple of hours and watched some Olympic action til I passed out.

Sunday morning was bright and shiny and I was on my way to the pier in Galveston, a mere 20 minutes away! There she was - the Conquest. My dear old friend who I've sailed upon 3 or 4 times prior, and she was looking perdy good with her red, white, and blue funnel towering over the city. I parked the car and waited in the heat for the shuttle bus to take me the 8 blocks to the ship, but punted that waiting idea to the curb when it looked like I would sooner melt into the pavement than get on a bus in the next hour. So I schlepped it. Yes, I ain't no pansy-assed little girl - I am woman - and I am pissy - so get me on that air-conditioned ship, dammit!

It didn't take me long to get those cruise muscles working again - first, dump my stuff in my cabin, then grab some of their great pizza on deck, boat drill (ugh), and then sailawaytime with a drink in my hand!!!! Goodbye Galveston! Goodbye reality!

I won't bore you with the minute details of each day, but suffice to say that here was my usual M.O.:

Awaken around noon.

Watch telly until 1:00 while hydrating from previous night's activities.

Shower and dress.

Emerge from room, pasty and pale around 3:00.

Go to Lido deck for nourishment and maybe a little sunshine. (Vitamin D, ya know.)

Hit casino from 5 - 7.

Dress for dinner.

Hit casino from 7:20 until 8:15 dinner.

Trudge through dinner with weird people who were assigned to my table. More later.

Hit casino from 10:00 until 3 or 4 a.m.

Cavort, if the opportunity presents itself. heh

Pass out.

Repeat.

Once, I went on a cruise where I swear, we spent every living moment in the casino, with a plan to get ourselves completely sunburned on the final day of the cruise so we'd look like we'd been on vacation. Naturally, that last day - rain. Lots and lots of rain. So - when I went back to work, my boss joked "Spend the whole cruise in the casino, Mel?" SOOOO - that's why I made sure to spend at least a few minutes in the sun each day on this one. No burn, but I wouldn't say I look like the vampire I truly am.

About my dinner partners.... I love assigned seating for dinner, particularly when I'm travelling alone, which I did on this particular cruise. When you're assigned to a table, you get to know the 7 or 8 others dining with you over the course of the week and I've made some very good friends this way. I still exchange Christmas cards with a couple I met back in 1992 to this day!

The first night, only 2 of us showed up for dinner. Myself and a man 2-plus decades my senior. He was nice enough I guess. I remembered his name because of a famous guitar player - B.B. He was from Arizona or California or something out that way. (Because he was clearly not going to be of romantic interest to me, I kinda zoned out while he talked a bit.) He seemed to be fairly hip for someone his age - using terms like "been there, done that" and "dude," albeit it wouldn't fly on BET or MTV nowadays, but he was trying. We had a nice dinner and then, natch, I headed to the casino to get my ass handed to me on a platter (nicely decorated with the Carnival logo). But enough of that.

The next night, my gentleman dining partner showed up, in a nice suit and a ... wait for it ... toupee to end all toupees! His real hair was grey on the sides but obviously his toupee-maker didn't get that message and the lid on his head was black as night! Ummm, kay. Mentally, I gave him a pass, thinking that the lighting in the cabins isn't so great, so it was possible that I had too much makeup on - and I didn't want to call the kettle...well, you know. I had one question about B.B., but didn't have the cahoonas to ask, so I'll just post it here and hopefully I'll feel better. B.B., if you don't call yourself a complainer, why do you always complain about everything and send every entree back (after eating 1/2) to order another one? Just askin.

There were 4 ladies who joined us that night! Yay - I don't have to sit here making convo with grandpa all alone anymore! They were a woman (about 70?), her daughter, and her daughter's daughters (17 and 19). They were lovely women from near Dallas, so we had some things in common.

Until.......they all ordered Caesar salads. Every night. Did I mention these were lovely women? Don't lady-like manners usually go with the term "lovely women?" Let me tell you - these ladies would sit there prim and polite, hands in repose in their laps until the exact moment they must've had some silent starter gun go off in their heads and they grabbed their forks like a joy stick, poked into the poor lettuce and hacked away with ferocity until there was little left but minced greenery. The din of the silverware clacking against the dish was deafening. I swear, I heard the Eagles singing in my head "They stabbed it with their steely knives, but they could not kill the beast." Swear! Every night without fail they would mince their salads into a puree before ever taking a bite. That song was the only thing that would throw a bit of humor into my thoughts which kept me from buying a copy of an etiquette book and forcing them to read it before each dinner. It was gross and funny all at the same time. Can you tell this sorta soured my original thoughts about these ladies. Uh - yeah.

I spent quite alot of time just gazing at the sea between naps, eating and blackjack. I would've gazed at the people, but if you'd seen them, you'd swear off all eating for life. You've heard of Doctors Without Borders? This was People Without Mirrors! Do they really make bathing suits in size 46? Some men had bigger back boobs than my front boobs. And let's talk about back hair, shall we? Somebody give me a barf-bag. One guy (or maybe he was a bear) got in the pool and he started to friggin' shed and scared a little girl. Uncool, dood. And there should be a law against wearing bikinis unless you look like a supermodel. I mean it. If you've got a jiggle - and that means just about anyone over 30 - I've got one word for you: cover that shit the fuck up! Okay that was six words. Tough.

I didn't get off the ship but once - Cozumel - but only to go to my favorite dive for some fabulous guac and a bottle of Mexican beer. Here's a question that floated into my brain as I was wandering through some stores: How come they speak perfect English in Mexico to us tourists, yet in Texas, they claim "No hablo"????? Huh???

Get a load of the color of this water! Does that color actually exist in Nature?

Here are some pics I took of the cute little towel animals my steward (Arjawa) left on my bed each night. They were a nice substitute for my precious CruiserDog - well, for a week. Towel animals are one of the little niceties about cruising. I know, it's corny. I don't care. Thwpt.








I'm a card-carrying platinum Carnival-holic, which means I've been on more cruises with Carnival than the Captain, which gets me some special privileges, some of which are pretty cool. After schlepping my luggage eight blocks and presenting my sweaty self to the pier - I got to bypass 2500 others waiting in line to get to the A/C. This was good. I also got special treatment by the giftshop clerks, barkeeps, and waiters when my sail & sign card (yes, it was platinum) was presented. This was good. There was a special cocktail party for previous cruisers and a special wink to the platinum cruisers, of which there were only 12 on board. Two nights I was surprised by beautiful plates of canapes and petit fours. I felt like I needed to invite company over for cocktails when these beauts showed up at my door. Check this out - pretty, huh?


Though I did alot of praying in the casino, there were times I prayed to be 19 years old and cute again. Here is just one example of the hundreds of specimens between 18 and 22 available on board. Girls - if you want one of these, go cruising the week before school starts. These guys outnumbered the girls 3 to 1. Oh. My. God. I'm feeling perverted just typing this.

All too soon, the week was over and I had a bartab that exceeded most of my past cruise tabs now that Todd has taught me to enjoy Martinis at $10 a pop. Yikes. But I was properly vacationed and now I am back to reality, working my way towards my next cruise. Ain't life grand?

Toddtopia Texas Style, The Next Chapter

I promised you kids a Part Deux to my Adventures in Toddtopia, Texas Style, didn't I? Easier said than done, now that almost three weeks has passed, but I'll give it the ole college try...

When we last left our heroes, Doug & CruiserMel were heading back to Dallas from a fantastic night in Austin seeing Todd Rundgren & his merry band (literally). We busied ourselves by brainstorming about how to best commemorate the upcoming one year anniversary of RundgrenRadio and oh shit, I can't remember.

We got home in time to freshen up before heading out to the House of Blues to meet up with more fans for dinner before the show. It was fun, once again, to meet up with like minds and to break bread over gumbo and cocktails for awhile.

Then it was time for the show. I don't know how many of you have been to the Dallas HOB, but it's a jewel! Very roomy and not a bad seat (or standing place) in the house.

I staked my claim down front on Rachel's side of the stage. I'm not sure why - I mean, yes, I usually take up residency on that side of the stage because Kasim's usually there, but I'm not married to that idea when Rachel's holding up the bass end of the show. But she's fascinating to watch! She's a tiny little pixie and she's just beautiful (according to the men in the crowd), but what's so exciting is the poise and ease she shows while hitting these booming basslines with panache while still looking great. Girl power squared.

A few songs into the set, Todd was warmed up and doing his signature spins and scissor kicks. Not friggin bad for 60, which is now the new 30 in his case. Can I get an amen?!?!?

It was the final chord flourish and Todd spun around to stage right and down he went into the audience. Yessir, he fell 6 feet to the floor and onto a barricade of sorts, while spinning with his guitar. And btw, the guitar sounded just fine. There was some commotion, Jesse Gress pulled him up onto the stage, then some "adjustment" done, and Todd approached the mic with an announcement that it's true - they are made of steel.

That fall seemed to give him incentive to push himself to the limit and Todd did not disappoint for a second at the Dallas show. Great fun - good stories - great licks - and an even finer honed body of new music thrilled the crowd.

Yup, that's Mr. RundgrenRadio himself, gettin his hug on with Todd's wife. Yeah, she looks like she minds. Uh huh. *wink*

Not to be outdone, CruiserMel got some snuggle on with the Missus. Take that, Dougie!

Oh yeah, I'd started with single malt scotch that day. So now I know what I look like when I'm a little lit. Niiiiice. Ugh.

Anywhooooo, moving on....once again, Pippi and I started the "raise the roof" dance move during "Mountaintop" - sure to become the next sports anthem at your favorite NFL games - and I was thrilled to turn around at one point to find most, if not all, fans raising the roof in unison. (If this will be my claim to fame, there are worse things to be famous for, right?)

All too soon, the show was over. So wrong. So wrong. I could watch this guy perform every night - same songs even - and I would be thrilled each and every time. I debated going to Houston the next day for his show, but passed on it. Now I regret that decision as it would be a matter of weeks (over a month, Todd dammit!) before I would get a chance to see Mr. Rundgren again. Wahhhh.

At the end of this month - yup, here CruiserMel goes again - I'm headed to Vegas to see Todd front the "It Was 40 Years Ago Today" tour - a Sgt. Pepper all-star show. Todd? Beatles? What could possibly make that better? Oh yeah - VEGAS, baby!

My Favorite Restaurant

I always knew I loved their food. Now I know I love their attitude.

Adventure in Toddtopia, Texas Style

I promised you guys a recap of my Todd in Texas / Birthday weekend several days ago and I plan on making good on my promise. So, without further ado, I give you my Adventure in Toddtopia, Texas style.

Lil bro Doug flew all the way from Alabama (and boy, were his arms tired, ha ha) Saturday morning. I picked him up at the aeropuerto in the CruiserCar and we high-tailed it the 3 1/2 hour drive to Austin. Along the way we stopped for colaches in a town called West. The Czechs pronounce that like this: ko-lah-chees. Apparently, in Alabama, they call them ko-laaks. Woops, there go my eyeballs rolling back in their sockets. Boys. Tsk.

We finally got to Austin, threw our stuff in our hotel rooms, and made it to a late lunch with the mother of a Heisman trophy winner. I can't tell you who's mother it was or I'd have to kill ya, but suffice to say, he had roots at UT and is currently with the Miami Dolphins and is recognized by his dreadlocks and arrests. That vague enough? *wink* She was lovely and we had a good time while they discussed whether the Dolphins will emerge victorious or not this year.

Then it was back to the hotel for CruiserMel to take a nap and apparently for Doug to hit his bottle of Gentleman Jack pretty good. I woke up, whored-up, then met Doug as we began our Todd in Texas adventure. Doug was feeling very little pain at this point and I was anxious to get started medicating myself, as well.

Austin is one groovin' place - I'd say there's probably a bar for each citizen. Seriously, there are bars with live music everywhere you turn! I'm not sure how people live there - not that it's a bad place, au contraire; but it's just too fun! I suppose a person would have to occasionally work to pay for all that fun, but it sure would be hard to not make a personal goal-chase out of trying to go to each and every bar within a year or so. I thought New Orleans was hoppin' - but I believe Austin is a close second.

We met up with some fellow Toddstockers (and other Toddheads who weren't fortunate enough to go to Toddstock in Kauai back in June) at an Irish pub called Fado's. They'd held a special area for us and it was just great. Many of us ventured out to the patio though - to prepare for what was surely going to be a hot night - in many ways.

Then it was about time for the show, so we walked around the corner to Antone's, thinking we'd be able to waltz right in. *screech* There was a line wrapped around the building. Hmph, getting to the front of this crowd wasn't going to be easy, but to see such a great turnout for Our Hero was a very good thing for Todd. Austinites are really very nice folks. I wouldn't expect anything else from Toddheads.

Antone's very quickly filled to its capacity and being a little person, I knew that making my way up front was going to be difficult, if not excruciatingly hot, so we hung back at the side where we could breathe and yet have a great view of the band from the wings.

Kasim isn't playing bass on this tour, so I wasn't too heartbroken to not have my elbows on the stage this time. Besides, Rachel Haden is playing bass this time, so trying to get through the guys who are drooling and taking up space below her is completely futile. What do you guys think? She's cute, right?
Eventually, our friend Steve found us and asked our help in getting Toddtinis to the stage for the band. He'd brought light-up martini glasses for the occasion. We each took 1 or 2 drinks and it was amazing how the crowd parted for us. Taking nectar to the Todd takes precedence over having a good view if you're a true Toddhead. The band drank the Toddtinis like Gatorade. Then again, it was about 105 degrees in there, so you would, too.

I finished watching the show with my legs pressed against the stage between Rachel and Todd. Man, those folks were workin' the crowd. It was one of the best Todd shows I've seen in a long time.
I hadn't heard the new material since Kauai and the band has definitely been gellin' like felons. It was phenomenal. I'll do a separate blog entry about the new stuff later, but let me tell you - it blows the shit that's out there now AWAY. The cd hasn't come out yet, but there are enough bootlegs floating around that most people knew every word and crowd-participatory move to make without being instructed. Rhythmic fist pumps were common as the music just demands that.
That's me, next to Pippi (her Hawaiian name) wearing her Hawaiian lights in her hair. She's hysterical and crazy and she's a die-hard fan I met in Kauaii at Toddstock. Todd loved it when we "raised the roof" during "Mountaintop." Could this be the start of a new dance move? You bet it was! By the end of the song, I had a good part of the crowd doing it. Who knew CruiserMel would start a dance craze! Thanks, Pippi for helping me out. You get equal kudos, girl.

After the show was done, we hung out a little bit and then headed for Thai food, where we sang 80's songs at the top of our lungs until the wee hours and then headed for the hotel. Oh yes, this trip was worth it. No doubt.

The next morning, it was rise & shine and back in the car for the ride to Dallas.

Tune in next time for the continuing saga of Doug & CruiserMel's Adventure in Toddtopia, Texas style!

...And CruiserMel Takes The Mic Again

Hi there. You good? Excellent. Who me? Well, as my boss at my paying gig would say "A little bit better than outstanding."

Okay - maybe not quite that good, but good, nevertheless.

I'm pretty pumped about tomorrow night. See, Doug from RundgrenRadio (my non-paying gig) is letting me take the helm of the radio show this week and I'm thrilled about my guest.

His name is Brent Bourgeois. You may not immediately recognize the name, but if you were around in the 80's (or even if you're into the retro thang) (or even if you're into the CCM thang, too), he was the Bourgeois of Bourgeois Tagg.

What? You don't recall that name either?

They were a band out of northern California, via Dallas (just follow me here), who had some success on MTV with a couple of tunes. And yes, they've got a Todd connection. Todd produced their second album, which spawned their Top 40 hit "I Don't Mind At All." No worries, you'll recognize it when you hear it. See below.

Todd liked them so much he stole them as his own band for awhile! Attaboy, Todd.

Anyway, Brent's had a storied career which took him from 80's pretty-boy pop all the way to a solo career where he took the spotlight alone, doing a duet with Robert Palmer, then to Nashville, writing with the likes of Michael W. Smith, 4Him, and four #1 contemporary Christian hits.

So yeah, I'm a little excited to be interviewing him Wednesday night - 8:00 Eastern. Be there, aloha!

Girls Rawk-N-Rule

I had something planned to tell you guys, I really did, but somehow I ran out of time over the weekend and so, unfortunately, I'm phonin' it in just so you'll keep coming back. I promise to tell you all about my bday weekend (Wow, was that like almost two week ago? Shit, that means I've got a bday in 11 and a half months!), but for now, I can just show you a portion of what I got to see last night.

I'd never seen Heart performing live and to be frank here (quit calling me Frank), I was going to the show to see 2 of my musical lifetime loves (Cheap Trick and Journey), but Heart was sandwiched between the bread, so I gave the girls a chance.

Man, oh man! Girl power, indeed!

The Times They Are A-Changin'

Today is my birthday. Why, thank you. And you, too. You're the best.

The day started off just dandy, with CruiserDog's fuzzy butt in my face on the pillow next to me. Then somehow I completely missed the glass as I was pouring some left-over iced tea from a pitcher, drenching my feet and kitchen floor. It all improved as I got to the office and handled a couple of problems that had been hanging over my head (well, more like piling up on my desk) with finesse and lightning speed. By the time I left the office, I was smiling, looking forward to a four-day weekend filled with a couple of Todd shows in Austin and Dallas. Life was great!

I buzzed through some errands and headed home to find several bday cards, mostly insulting, the way I like it. Life really is great, indeed.

And then...what's this? A catalog I've never seen before. Hmm. Two lovely women on the cover, smiling at the camera with a look that seemed to say in some condescending way: "I understand."

WTF?

I leafed through the pages a little and discovered a pattern. This was a catalog entirely aimed at middle-aged vain women! Vain, I might be, but I'll be DAMNED if I'll ever admit to being middle-aged! I might cave-in when I'm rounding 70, but not now, no way. And certainly not on my frickin' birthday!

The cover says "As We Change" in a typeface that just looks like it "understands." Good grief! If you truly understand, you would most certainly not time your mailings to arrive at a woman's mailbox on her birthday; I don't care if it's her 29th or 69th! F you and your understanding font!

I must admit I did check out what they were selling and most of it was nonthreatening, in an aging sense. (moisturizing creams, satin pillowcases, magnifying mirrors, etc.) Then, as I got further into the magazine, it got a bit scary. There were pajamas designed for women who suffer hot flashes. There were vitamin supplements to make one feel sexy again. There were at least 3 pages of girdles. Girdles!

And then, they cut to the chase with "personal massagers." Oh. My. God. Pages and pages of "personal massagers." It was bordering on soft-core porn. Right here in my house! Then it hit me - these people are reminding women of a "certain age" that they can't get any from their men anymore at their advanced age. Way to go.

Such trash! Appalling! For shame!

I'm planning on throwing it away as soon as I place my order.

He's Baaaack

OMG, the trading baby's back! I wish I needed an advertising company, because this whole campaign is frickin' brilliant!

All Todd All The Time In Utopia

Aloha! I wrestled with how to put into words the Utopia that was my week last week, but it isn't as easy as it would seem. Toddstock was - well - oh how can I even come close to expressing it?

Todd has a song called Cliche' that he wrote years ago, a beautiful ballad, where he repeats the following line:

"Where are the words? Where are the words? Where are the words?"

I could just stop right there, but I know you guys know me better than to just leave it there, so I'll try to hit some of the highlights at least.

First to explain some of the great stuff Todd and his bride of 10 years, Michele, provided for this affair in Kauai. They've got 5 acres of beautiful, rolling land with a view to kill for. Their land rolls down into this valley with a river that runs to what is pretty much a private beach.

Now I see why he scolded me for calling it his "yard."

Todd & Michele provided a big food tent, complete with full kitchen, food and drinks. They had two bars on property. They even brought in a masseuse who had her own tent so people could get their weary bones worked on without leaving the property. And their house! Oh my, the house! I wish I could show you what I mean, but naturally, we faithful aren't going to post any pictures that might give away the secret location and cause a security risk. So until I get some go-ahead to post photos of the house or any from the property itself, I'm afraid I'm going to have to be choosy about what I can show here. Sorry, but my Toddly is important to me and I don't want you guys to go all postal on him (okay, y'all are okay, it's just that guy you hang around with who doesn't bathe, has a limp and scratches his face all the time that I'm worried about.)

After travelling all day Monday (and I mean ALL day), we arrived in Kauai and headed off to find our rental house, something called The Waterfall House. And here's why!

That's the Hawaiian way - no one wears their shoes into any one's home. I'm sure there is some spiritual explanation for this, but the practical reason is because they've got this red dirt that absolutely won't come out of or off of anything it gets on, so it's just the right thing to do.

Even though it was something like 2:00 am to our bodies, that didn't stop us from wanting to go check out what was happening over at the Toddstock Camporee. Off we went, like little virgins, all atwitter to meet other like-minded Toddheads, get a gander of Todd's house and property, and hopefully hook up with something alcoholic, because eleven hours of travelling and only a couple of hours of sleep just doesn't take the edge off enough.

The cute memory of that night came when I was waiting outside an outhouse (that Todd had constructed), chatting with some friends, when a male voice from inside said "Mel? CruiserMel? Is that you?" I didn't recognize the voice until out stepped Bobby Strickland, a sax player who I had interviewed on RundgrenRadio a couple of months ago. It was funnier than how I just wrote it.

I have few other memories of that night, but I do know we shut the place down around 1 or 2. This would become a pattern.

Tuesday, we got up and gasped at the beauty which was our rental house and it's surroundings. Our house rocked! Avocado trees, mango trees, and species of flora and fauna I'd have to look up in a book to tell you about. This was in our yard, people! Avocados! Can you imagine?

Before we knew it, it was time for three of the six housemates, including myself, to do something touristy. We headed off to a tour of the Fern Grotto. The little boat trip was cool, because we passed people on the river kayaking and doing some kind of standing on boards and paddling with long sticks. Groovy. Once we got to the Grotto, CruiserMel channelled Elvis and couldn't stop singing "In the Grotto" (Ghetto) to the point where I'm pretty sure some others wanted to kick my Texan ass. So I sang even louder. The lack of sleep was kickin' in and the punchies were in full tilt boogie.

After our tour, it was over to the Camporee, where I'm not kidding here - over 100 tents were set up, maybe more. The food & dining tent was huge. The fans had built, under Todd's supervision two tiki bars, one for beer and one for martinis. If you wanted anything else, you were on your own, but CruiserMel decided to partake of Todd's famous martinis - made by Todd himself! And by martinis, I mean lethal doses of straight vodka shaken with ice until a thick layer of frost appears on the outside of the shaker, then strained into a glass. And because I don't know what it's for, who needs vermouth anyway? OMG, in that humidity, Todd's Tinis were a welcome refreshment.

A little too much refreshment apparently, because I found myself getting my makeout on with one of the campers. Don't look at me that way. Hey, he was the prettiest guy there! That's what matters when CruiserMel is on vacation donchaknow. Shhhhhh, I'm trusting you guys not to tell. And yep, I got even more makeout on during the week. Vacay, you know.

The next day, I realized that those refreshing bevs from the night before tend to make one want to sleep until, well, forever. However, my friend L & I had appointments at the Princeville Resort for spa treatments that we had to get moving towards, so after doing a particularly awful job at doing a RundgrenRadio update show, grabbing a couple of b-fast bars and a gallon of water, we were on our way. Lemme tell ya ladies...if you have had the year I've had (and the amount of martinis the night before) Princeville has the cure! I was a noodle after that pampering. Screw the masseuse at the Camporee, we wanted to go first class.

Wednesday night was an especially magical one at Toddstock. After cleaning up and putting on our Hawaiian garb as instructed, we drove the 1.5 miles to the Camporee and witnessed a very personal Hawaiian tradition, that I felt I was almost intruding on, but Todd had graciously wanted his friends and fans to be there. It was the house blessing and it was so cool. A non-denominational Hawaiian priestess went around the outside of the house, saying Hawaiian words and planting a plant on each of the 4 corners of the house. Then she blessed the front door, took the family inside for a few minutes, and then invited us all to step inside, where we each had to bless the house with one word that we wished for the Rundgrens' new home. My word was light. Others were equally touchy-feely until some wise-cracker said chocolaty and another used a synonym for an illegal herb. Todd thought that was as good a word as any on which to stop. After dinner, I passed out some souvenir koozies I'd made up for all who attended. It only felt natural - because the sense of community was so thick amongst the family, friends, and fans all week; I may as well participate, ya know?

And of course, I found myself drawn to Todd's martinis once again.

Aw hell - let's just say that I took up residence at the martini bar every night just to save time.

Thursday was fun. I did another radio show with Doug on RundgrenRadio from the Camporee as many folks left for a hike up the Na Pali coast, led by Todd himself. We had fun interviewing the other lazies like ourselves and the morning was glorious with the sun coming up over the mountains. Was I getting used to the Toddtinis? Affirmative. I did worry when one interviewee likened the Toddtinis to Kool-Aid at the Jim Jones camp. But only a little.

That afternoon, Keli, Kelika and I (Meli - our Hawaiian names), headed to the heliport to take a magnificent helicopter tour with Jimmy holding our lives in his hands. He was really cool and I trusted that if we went down, he'd be sure to crash us somewhere gorgeous. Here's a pic of the Na Pali coast that some Toddstockers (Toddstalkers?) hiked earlier in the day.

That night - well - I think was a repeat of the previous ones....martinis, making-out with HandsomeMan and watching Todd really enjoy himself with one too many Toddtinis. The night closed out with a rousing singalong of Swing Low, Sweet Chariot, Old Man River and Bali Hai, before Todd adjourned himself (and by adjourned, I mean - was led to his bed by a couple of big guys). Another one for the memory files.

Friday was filled with a tubing tour with about 20 other camporees down a lazy river through an old sugar plantation. It was hysterical playing bumper-tubes with my new friends. There were 4 or 5 tunnels, one that was over a mile long and we had helmet lights, but eventually we turned them off to experience the sensation of not moving at all, when we had actually sped up or were going the same speed as we'd been travelling all along. What a trip!

After cleaning up, it was back to the Camporee for a lovely dinner, prepared by friends and fans (as was done all week, btw) and the highlight of the week for us RundgrenRadio folks, a very special show featuring Todd, himself. Todd donned his RundgrenRadio tshirt and we had a fan-driven Q & A show session. He seemed to love it. We faithful had some awesome questions for him - not like typical radio or news interviewers. It was fantastic! That show's had so many hits that it's not just a top show on Blog Talk Radio's music shows, but made it to the top 10 shows of all! Yay Dougie! Extra Toddtinis all around. Including me. Yeah, see the pattern? I was getting better at being a functioning drunk by now.

Saturday was a lazy day of driving around the island and preparing for the big luau hosted by the Rundgrens. Hawaiian natives gave Michele a flowery headdress, lifted her up on a surf board, fanned her with palm fronds (yeah, Todd participated in honoring his bride) and marched her through us adoring fans. A Hawaiian dude blessed us and our meal and we tore into the flesh of a pig that had roasted all day on the property. It was really yummy. Of course, the vegetarian camporee attendees went into town and had Thai food instead. More for us! I think after dinner they showed the DVD of Todd & Michele's wedding, as the next day wasn't just Todd's 60th birthday, but also their 10th anniversary. Pretty cool of them to share that with us. You know what came next - Toddtinis and some lip action. Vacay, remember?

Sunday was the big day and the excitement was in the air! We'd been told that dinner would be around 4:00 so that the concert we were about to witness could start before sundown. Oh did I mention that we got to hear the band play LIVE the songs from Todd's new cd - never heard before? Hang with me and you'll get the good stuff, baby.

Fans had helped build a stage upon the infinity pool in front of Todd's house. Upon the water, folks. I wish I could show you this thing, but alas, not cool to do what I promised I wouldn't do. There was a 4 camera shoot for a DVD to be released sometime in the future, so just being part of that was kind groovy for an ex-TV/film student. Though Todd asked that they restart the first song twice, the rest was perfect! FYI - his new music is somewhat of a departure for Todd. It's called "Arena" and it's music in the style of early 80's arena rock (think AC/DC, Robin Trower, ZZ Top) with big bombastic chords, heavy basslines, long searing guitar solos and just a little screamin. Several songs have opportunities for comebacks from the audience. ("Higher, higher") I think it's quite catchy and for once in a very long time, I believe some songs are very radio-ready. (I admit, my Todd hasn't striven for commercial success in a long time, so this was surprising.) Todd ended the concert with "PARTY TIL DAWN!!!" and we did. Like that was different. Riiiight. I got my makeout on again, but HandsomeMan was MIA, so I made a better choice in MoreResponsibleCuteMan. Hmmm, we'll see.

Meanwhile, check out the tshirt artwork (which will be the cd cover).....does this man look like he just turned sixty? I think not.

Monday was when the depression began. We ran by the Camporee to say some good-byes then did more touring of the island, grabbed some souvenirs and a pizza, headed to the airport, got our upgrades for our flights and headed home.

By 1:40 pm on Tuesday, I was on the ground in Dallas trying to figure out how to retire to Kauai. Soon.

It was the experience of a lifetime, even if you weren't a Toddhead. But for this one here - I would have to say that I'd be six feet under by my own hand if I had not gone. I mean, seriously, how many celebrities actually open their home and property up to people with free reign for a week!?!?! Somebody pinch me, I think I'm dreaming!

Mahalo Todd & Michele. You were the best and bravest hosts to do this totally unheard-of thing for us. One of my favorite memories will be the look on Todd's face over and over again of a proud papa. This was HIS wish and it came true for ALL of us. Todd said during the Q & A show the greatest line: "You guys have been better than our real friends." Awwwww, Toddddddd, you're the best.

And FYI - if you want to hear more stories of Toddstock, tune in to RundgrenRadio Monday night at 8:00 pm Eastern time because Doug (Hawaiian name: Kouko) and I will be having a good time with callers relating their own stories of the Toddstock event. It should be funtastic! See ya on the radio, y'all.

Headed to Paradise

Aloha, my friends!

If you're reading this, please know that I am having a Mai Tai in your honor, gazing at waterfalls, flying in a helicopter, learning the hula and the ukulele, rubbing elbows with fellow Toddheads (both famous and infamous) and enjoying some fine new Todd music - all the while thinking of you. Yes you.

Have a great week and perhaps I'll be able to update here as the week progresses. At the very least, there will be one helluva story to tell when I get back!

If you're particularly interested, I'll be an on-the-scene reporter for RundgrenRadio each day, so you can pause the music player to your right and hit the play button on the blue RR player. We'll be broadcasting most nights around 8:00 or 9:00 pm eastern time.

Mahalo, CruiserMel

Aloha, Oy!

Aloha my chitlins! CruiserMeli (yes, that's my name in Hawaiian) is counting down the days until she is in beautiful Kauai! Lemme explain.

As you know, Todd Rundgren rules. Right? RIGHT?

Well - you tell me how many celebrities open their residential property not only friends, but to fans for a week? Granted, it's for a couple of special occasions: 1. Todd's turning 60 next week. 2. Todd's long-awaited new CD will be debuting shortly thereafter and it's rumored to truly RAWK.

But come on - allowing the faithful (and hopefully not nutso) fans to flock to your own private sanctuary? For a week?

Did I mention that they are allowing the flock to actually camp on their property? (Heh, I called it a lawn to Todd's face a couple of months ago and he corrected me by saying "It's 5 acres!" to which I quipped - "Well, in Texas, that's a lawn." - but I digress.)

Don't be looking for blog entries about CruiserMeli getting her camping merit badge though. Hell no, I'm going in style and renting a house - I'm no dummy - a week on the ground? Get outta here.

The week will be capped-off on Todd's b-day with Todd and his band playing songs from the new CD LIVE - for us! For us! ON THE LAWN! (acreage. Evs.)

Todd and his wife will be feeding us, entertaining us, and putting up with us for a week! I can't begin to understand what's come over them.

Am I going? Duh.

I've got some stuff planned (boating, helicoptering, tubing, spa-ing) and some lovely time of non-planned stuff, like hanging with a bunch of the enlightened ones who actually "get" the whole Todd thing. To say I'm excited doesn't come close.

I'm so excited my hula's already got a shake in it and I'm ready to get lei'd!

More to follow so stay tuned. Get it? Tuned? Music? I'm so funny I'm crackin' my coconut bra!

I'm Not Excited Or Nothin'

Lookie where I'll be in a coupla weeks. I am so not diggin' the wait...

Self-Tanners And The Woes Of Whitey

Though my figure is eerily similar to the lady above (and by similar I mean short, waxy and grassy at times), I am sometimes hard-of-hearing as she is and I will be donning the ole coconut push-up bra in Kauai next month for Todd's 60th Bday Camporee (story to follow later), this is where the similarities end.

I am in a quandary and I need your advice.

I am a redhead by birth. I am white. Really white. I put the crack in cracker. And though I've spent years of attempting to defy the laws of Nature by basking in the sun, I have finally come to the realization that I will never be tanned, nor tall. At least not without the aid of a self-tanner and high heels.

Don't even try to tell me that tanning beds are the way to go, because I've been there and all that did was speed up the process of the sunburn and thus, the peel. Not pretty at all. And it makes my grass skirt cling.

Short of wearing pantyhose with sandals and I'm not decrepit YET, so I still have my dignity, this leaves me with the only other option remaining.

Sunless-tanners. Yes, that's the ticket.

I've found one that is designed to give a "gradual glow" in the form of a body lotion. It is also designed for fair maidens such as myself. I am nothing, if not realistic.

Here's the quandary: the directions specify that the product is best applied after exfoliation and that if applied daily, the glow will gradually glow darker until desired results are accomplished. But if I exfoliate daily, so as to apply the product daily, am I not just scrubbing off the previous day's glow?

And in case you're wondering...this entry is not just for entertainment's sake, nor is it just so that I can have something to post - I'm completely at a loss here. Ladies (and metrosexuals) - help me out. I need your best advice about this stuff and I need it pronto.

Mahalo