CruiserMel Goes Shopping - Gasp!

It must be one of those questions men just can't seem to resist asking a woman on those early dates. It's also the dumbest question ever uttered. The answer whether yes or no will not stop traffic or change the earth's rotation or even cause GERD, but for some reason men can't help themselves. "I assume you like to shop, right?"

Uh. No. I've been able to do my Christmas shopping on the internet and I'm totally done. I'd rather get a root canal than shop in a mall.

Now that I've gone through my naughty and nice list and found it to be complete, it's "me" time. I've got a fun little trip planned to NYC for New Year's weekend and I'm on a mission to find the right pants to go with a top I bought some time ago and haven't cut the tags off of. Jeans are the perfect answer to go with it (it's one of those middle-eastern looking tops that's got just the right amount of sparkle, without looking too blingy). But I hate all the jeans I own. I should be upfront here and say I own exactly 2 pairs of jeans. They're just not my style most of the time, but jeans are a must for this top (along with cutest pair of clogs EVER - purchased online, thankyouverymuch).

So off to Kohl's I go today, on advice of a co-worker. (I was embarrassed to say that I really don't even know where to buy jeans anymore!) I had never been to a Kohl's until today, as their stores had remained figments of suburban myth in my mind....always 30 minutes from where I live. But recently, Kohl's has gone urban and moved within a 5 minute drive of my casa.

It can't be all bad, I say to myself, as I pulled in the parking lot. But the parking lot was the only part was wasn't all bad.

I entered the ugliest, messiest, least-organized store, short of one of those stores run by Christian women selling clothes that should've been burned and not sold, but aren't, because Doris and Ruth need something to do to get away from their husbands of 50 years.

I took a deep breath and headed for what looked like the ladies' jean department. Aha, found 'em. There were nicely labeled shelves, organized by size and length. That's where the organizing stopped. There were size 4 longs in the bin marked size 10 short and 18 longs in the 8 medium bin. I took another deep breath and rolled up my sleeves and dove into the blue denim like I was on a mission from God.

Armed with 3 pair, I made my way through the gauntlet of little hispanic children with sticky, chocolatey fingers and high-pitched squeals of Christmas joy, the parents of whom were nowhere to be found. I stepped around sweaters which had fallen off the hangers and abandoned on the floor. I weaved through purses that were fashionable in the early 90's and teenaged girls testing every cheap cologne (have they really brought back Charlie from the 70's?) before I finally found the dressing room.

I stripped down, took a deep breath and prepared for the bad news. This couldn't be this easy, could it? There's no way one of these 3 pair will fit and/or look good, but I gave it the ole college try. Voila! Pair #1 fits. Looks good. Feels good. I can sit AND stand in them. Mission accomplished.

I didn't even try on the other 2 pair. I was so eccstatic I wanted to run out into the store, spray on some cheap cologne, and even hug a sticky child. I decided against this when I saw the line at the cashier......at least 15 people and forty 6-yr olds deep. Ugh. Twenty minutes later, I was home.

This is why I hate shopping.

But once home, I tried on my new acquisition with my cute brown clogs and the ensemble is complete. These jeans rawk. I can't wait to be in New York City, looking all Greenwich Villagey IN Greenwich Village! Shopping's not all bad, now is it, CruiserMel? Yup. Yup, it is. But if I can look this cute as the result, I'm willing to give it the ole college try.