What I'm going to confess here may come as a shock to you. Don't be afraid. I can appear completely normal when meeting parents and bosses and schit. I really can. My momma didn't bring up no slacker. Well, relatively speaking.
I have a leaning towards some weird stuff. I used to be a complete CourtTV whore until I decided to get a life of sorts. But, for real, I actually thought up the concept of CourtTV once in the shower years ago, but then I got shampoo in my eyes and the thought washed away down the drain. Damn. Missed Opportunities is my middle name. Or names. Whatever.
In 1996 when the OJ trial was on 24-7, I was right there cheering for the good guys, fumbly as they were. I didn't even flinch during the days and days of DNA test results, the "mountain" of evidence, Judge Ito's coffee mugs, Kato Kaelin's hair (I think I even had a dirty dream about him, but that's a story for another day), the bloody glove and the "N" word debacles, and Nicole's drug-rehabbing friends. Geraldo Rivera was my hero. Greta van Susteren became a household name because of OJ Simpson. I was there for every minute. I didn't miss a beat. And I would've fried his ass. Here's just how sick I am: I recorded the closing arguments and the verdict. Seriously, I have over 18 hours of this shit on videotape. I guess if I am the last remaining person on earth, I will dust them off and pop them into my dilapidated VCR to wax sentimental between reading my library of autobiographies by all of the players, including Kato. And not being a slacker, I didn't wait for the paperback versions. No, not me. I'm pathetic.
Ever since I became eligible to serve on a jury, I practically run to the mailbox to see if I've been summoned. 699 times out of 700 I'm disappointed.
But not today, kiddies. There it was in all it's proper governmental #10 window envelope-ness. I ripped into that sucker like it held a winning lottery ticket, getting a wee paper cut along the way that I didn't notice until just a second ago.
My eyes scanned down the page and found that it's for criminal court. EUREKA! I began to tingle with delight. I was as giddy as, well, as I usually get. I continued scanning until I saw the date.
(Aside: for three years I've battled tennis elbow, which some "friends" have described as a drinking and/or blackjack injury (I can't have enough friends), suffered through surgery and months of physical therapy and it's still not right. So, I'm scheduled for more surgery on April 4.)
Yup, my date with Lady Justice is April 3rd, the day before my pain ends (hopefully).
So my dilemma now is this: Do I try to have my civic duty postponed and possibly wait another year before my number comes up in the big jury hopper (bummer) or do I actually go and possibly get chosen only to let down our justice system by sayin something like "Ha. Gotcha. I can't serve because I'm getting cut on tomorrow"? (another bummer)
I don't want to be an American Idol. I don't want to be Miss America. I don't even want to be on that show with Howie Mandel and the suitcases. I just want to be a juror. My needs are few.
10 comments:
I'd wait it out. I got called this year, & was REALLY looking forward to it just to get out of work. They tell you to call or check online the day before...I did...they'd cancelled. I have to wait a year now.
turn loose the juice.
I never get chosen. I think it has to do with my facial tic, swatting away invisible bugs, and the incessant string of profanities that comes out of my mouth.
Tug - I've read the instructions and Dallas only has that call-in stuff for the alt. jurors and since I'm a A-list possible juror, it looks like I do have to show up, but I think I'd better take a doctor's note. (Let's see, HOW many years ago did I have to have a doctor's note?)
Jeremy - um, what does that mean?
Mist - That doesn't surprise me one little bit - not that they don't choose you, but that you'll swat invisible bugs and capitalize on your Tourette's.
Glad to see you have an interest in your civic duties.. but I'm thinking that this post probably just negated you from any chance (should they find it)
I remember the OJ trial. It was pretty crazy. I remember there was a group of dark green Marines (yeah, at one point it was PC to say dark green or light green, but we were all Marines). Anyhow, they were all watching and cheered when they announced he was innocent. Having been way too busy to follow the trial, I wondered: we're they cheering because OJ was black and won, because he was a former football star, or because they applauded the justice system? I applauded because I figured it would finally be out of the news.
Wow was I wrong.
OH, and "turn loose the juice" was the catch phrase for those wanting him release/freed. "The Juice" was his football nickname since his name was called Orenthal James Simpson and he mostly just used his initials. O.J.
Sadly, innocent or guilty, his mark as one of the greatest running backs in the history of the sport will probably never matter.
Call the Judge personally and ask him/her for a postponement...
I could let you know the next time I get chosen...it should be coming up. Is NY court OK with you? LOL!
Reschedule the Jury Duty...if you get picked (and the trial goes more than one day), the will tell you to reschedule your surgery.
Civic duty comes before personal committments.
Beeee careful, Mel!! Serious: One of my friends was on a jury for a guy who was convicted of killing a mom and her daughter, throwing their bodies in the trunk of their car, and setting it on fire to get rid of the evidence.
She had to go see a therapist and get a Xanax Rx to sleep at night afterwards.
Of course, that could also be due to the fact my friend was crazy and high strung long before serving on the trial and therapy and Xanax were long overdue anyway.
So, uh. I say: Never mind! Indulge all your civic fantasies!
Jury duty = overrated. Seriously.
Besides, you'll get another chance. It'll happen. It always does.
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