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Dallas, Texas, United States

Monday, August 25, 2008

Where's A Pied Piper When You Need One?

A month or two ago, a friend of mine had an up-close-and-personal encounter in my backyard during the day with a mother possum (and her babies - aw...how ugly) near some bushes that line my patio. I never saw "momma" or her little ones and figure they moved on to greener pastures, or at least next door. And that was good. Amen.
Fast-forward to yesterday afternoon...I'm chatting away on the phone and something grabbed my attention on the patio, poking it's little furry nose through a latticed brick wall that is between my patio and aforementioned bushes.
"It's a little bunny!", I exclaimed. No wait - aw for the love of Todd, it's a goddamn mouse. Phuckity phuck.
I've hardly had any bugs in this house that I bought 6 years ago (good thing!) and now I have a frickin' mouse. Gotta call some guy with a giant fiberglass termite on his car, I guess. It's not like I didn't blow a wad of cash on my trips this summer. It's only money, right?
I continued with my convo when suddenly cute little mouse steps through the hole in the brick wall and scampers towards my sliding glass door.
Oh hell no - that ain't no mouse - it's a RAT!
Needless to say, CruiserDog is now pottying in the front yard thankyouverymuch, until "Ben" is properly evicted.
I called today to get someone out right away and to my complete gross-out surprise, I was told rats travel in at least pairs and they can birth 10 micies (who will "do it" with eachother) every 45 days and so on and so on and they tell two friends and they tell two friends.... you get the picture.
I pondered selling the house briefly, but was told that my new superhero Joe (who surely drives a car with a gianormous fiberglass rodent on it's roof - which will thrill the neighbors) will be right out to put out a "bait station" which cannot hurt, nor even attract CruiserDog, but will make Ben and his family to have an upset stomach, not want to take it to the fam, go under someone's woodpile (of which I don't have - heh) and depart this world. (No worries, I asked about secondary death and this place is super-green and even if a neighbor's cat or dog were to find ex-Ben, they would not be made ill. I'm nothing if not a responsible pet lover.)
And I sit here wondering how many nights I took CruiserDog in the back yard barefooted and unarmed. My skin crawls as I type that sentence. There's only one word that comes to mind: eeewwwwwwwwwww.
Ratatouille anyone?


Tug said...

Yeah, um...I think I'd have to move. Good luck with that. ;-)

CruiserMel said...

LOL @ moving. No shit! This is the grossest thing I've ever had to deal with as a homeowner. So nasty. I suspect he/she/they came from an old apt complex just torn down near my house. Ah progress.

D-HOR said...

Cruiser that dude was taking you for a ride. LOL rats don't travel in packs but yeah they DO reproduce pretty quick. But NO they won't probably take up residence with you and have 1000 babies in 3 months on your front porch. (my mom raises rats for her boa)

But anyways, if it gives you piece of mind to have it gone - and I'm betting he already is gone, just a wayward visitor - then that's cool. And I do love that the death bait won't kill anything else. That's probably a lot better than you'd get at Home Depot.

But no worries ok? Ok. Breath darling BREATH! :P

Anonymous said...

Ummm...we have at least one LARGE rat that has taken up residence in our attic. Above our bedroom. It sounds like he has hijacked the cable and is currently building a condo up there. Heebie jeebies galore.

CruiserMel said...

All I can say is eeewwwwwwwww. That's all.