Candy-Grubbing Midgets

Those little greedy, dirty-pawed, candy-grubbing bahstahds! No, I'm not talking about my PMSing friends, so chill.

Halloween is sacred to CruiserMel. It is a day to reflect on all that is creepy, scarey, strobe-lit, spider-webby and downright horrorific. (hmm......is that a word?)

But noooooooooooooooo. Halloween 2006 will go down as one of those times where I will remember next time to be on a cruiseship somewhere at sea instead of being at home. That's right little creeps, the porchlight, luminarias, and even the blowup Dracula won't be "in" next year.

And who is to blame? Well, I could blame the scores of vehicles from the other side of town that would idle in front of my house whilst seemingly hundreds of children, some not even costumed, would pile out like clowns from a VW in the circus - only to reach their filthy paws into my candy and take it like it was free, uh.....candy. Not only were they spreading countless germy residue throughout the bowl of goodies, but some even had the noive to put stuff back, not even disguising their disgust at my choice of candy! Hey, I realize it's not all Baby Ruths and Butterfingers, but YOU try being the only house on the block willing to play along with this Halloween tradition!

The blame lies with moi. Yes, gentle reader(s? Hullo...), the blame is all mine. You see, I'm only 4 years into the homeownership game......two of the Halloweens during this time were spent at sea cavorting with various foreign crew members, but that's another story for another day. So that leaves me with Halloween Year #1 and Year #4.

Year #1, I had not even moved into the house - so decorations were sparse....but I did manage a string or two of orange lights to advertise that a cool person lived here. Disappointed, I had maybe 15 trick-or-treaters. That was fine. Older neighborhood - meaning, OLDER folks lived here. Over the years though, the tide is turning and by Year #4, there have been new families and singles moving in....so I thought it might have picked up and thus, I went all out with the decor, creepy music, costume, and a killer spirit of fun.

I had lunch today with 3 married men from my office who have had years of homeownership practice. When I told them about how these heathens would put their grubby hands in the bowl of candy.......

Guy #1: "Stop right there. You let them choose the candy?"

Me: "Uh...yeah."

Guy #2: "BIIIIIIGGGGG mistake."

Me: "I'm supposed to do the work for them?"

Guy #3: "Don't be silly - if you let kids choose, they'll always take the chocolate and leave you with the crappy stuff."

Me: "Yeah....that's about what's left.....the junk I bought at the dollar store." My head was hanging now.

Guy #1: "You did hold back the good stuff for your own neighborhood kids, right?"

Me: "And I'm supposed to know which ones are which HOW?"

Guy #1: "Your neighborhood kids aren't being let out of a pickup truck at the end of the block or talk with Mexican accents."

Me: "And what about the guy who came to my door, not in costume, about 6' tall, with a full goatee?"

All 3 Guys: *audible sigh and rolling of eyes*

I guess it really is all my fault. I guess I'll have to punish myself by eating the leftover candy and ripping out my fillings. Sugar Daddies. No wonder the kids put it back in the bowl.

Next year - I'll send ya a postcard from the Mexican Riviera, ya little bahstahds.

Hey, don't you have some other blog to go read? Well, go on!