Let This Be A Lesson To Ya

I've debated telling you, my precious readers, about the incident that happened over the weekend. I could completely ignore that it happened and thus push myself further into alcoholism or I could come clean and maybe we all could learn a lesson. Let's delve in, why don't we?

It was Friday and my workday had been productive. I was in a zone. A really good, motivated zone. I had the grand illusion that I might actually be able to tackle chores like my taxes or organizing my junk room or *gasp* dusting and vacuuming. But first, I had asked S to come over to my house to fix some stuff, because we all know I need a wife to take care of this crap, but single, straight women have difficulty finding said wife. I think it's the straight part, but I can't prove it. So after my friend helped me out with stupid screwdriver stuff that I'm too girly to attempt on my own, it was happy hour somewhere and we decided to hit our local dive bar "only for 1 or 2 and dinner, we must have dinner, right?" And we must call CE because it wouldn't be a board meeting with only two.

I still had the motivation groove going, but damn those drinks tasted good. And the topics covered at our board meeting were enthralling, to say the least. Of course, as you have probably already guessed, I cannot recall most of them.

CE was smart and left after 2 drinks. This is why she's able to stay self-employed. S & I were in full-tilt-boogie and ordered another round. I mean, it was Friday, for God's sake. We deserved another one. And another. Then it gets fuzzy. No, actually, it was fuzzy after two drinks, but I want to appear to be good at drinking so roll with me.

At some point, we closed out our tabs and parted. I was left to my own devices (or vices?) in my own home. (And yes, I found more bourbon. Deal. I was home and safe.)

There was some drunk-dialing going on for awhile, but that might be my imagination; I'll have to check my cellphone. And if I commented on any of your blogs, I apologize and invite you to mess up my comment section in return; no judgements. I also recall quite alot of kitchen dancing going on at Casa De CruiserMel. Hours. Until 5:30. In the A.M. Yeah. I got alot (make that nothing) done, except for maybe getting the kitchen floor dust-mopped by my slippers.

Of course, I still had a list of to-do's a mile long and amazingly still had my motivation goin' on. I set my alarm clock for 10:30 and settled in next to CruiserDog for the night. Or morning. Whatevs.

Here's where it gets weird: at 2:00 P.M. (yeah, 2:00), I cracked open my eyes and found that I had no electricity. I looked through my bleary eyes outside and saw what could only be described as post-Apocolypse, without the mess. The sky was a pale brown, a cloudless pale brown. I could hear no sound. I could smell no fragrance. CruiserDog had bed-whiskers and looked like he'd slept for four days. I wandered around the house, holding my head, took two Advils and tried to wrap my brain around what had happened to me.

In one motion, I dove for the telephone and called CE who cheerily answered. Before she could finish saying hello, I shouted "What's going on? Do you know what's going on? Do ya? Well.....?" She muttered something about a dust storm and 50 mph winds but I wasn't buying it. I hung up the phone, sat down and figured Dallas was like "Jericho" and she just didn't know it yet. But I did. We'd been nuked. And we were left to repopulate the world. And oh man, did I just drink the water from the faucet to take those pills? Oh well, I wasn't meant to birth babies after all.

Finally, I decided to scrounge for foodstuff. Of course, I was happy to see that my new garage door opener operates on batteries when the power goes off. Yay! I headed towards the Taco Bell and saw the mess of the Apocalypse - huge trees downed, roof shingles astray, and couldn't see a human being for blocks. To my relief, Taco Bell was open. Thank God, they didn't get the Taco Bell!

Once the greasy food (that I was hailing as manna) absorbed the remaining alcohol in my system, I finally realized that I had made most of that up in my head. By this time, it was after 5:00 and I hadn't accomplished one single thing on my to-do list.

Then the power came on. There was no excuse after that. Dammit.

#1. Laundry
#2..........