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Dallas, Texas, United States

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Here Comes Santa Claus


I work in a small office of all men, except moi. And we're popular according to the pile of prezzies we've been amassing.

Case in point: I seem to be the go-to girl whenever the UPS or FedEx guys come around. Maybe they just feel like a chick should be the person to receive prezzies. And they would be correct. Maybe they think I'm cute. And they would be correct again. Maybe it's because I sit near the door. Dammit, that's probably it, but I want to think it's because I'm cute, so I'm going with that.

It's not the constant Christmas muzak playing at the local mall or the return of "A Charlie Brown Christmas" on television that reminds me it's the holiday season. It's the barrage of packages that the UPS and FedEx guys keep bringing. Yesterday, we got three honey-baked hams, 4 turkeys, a tower of tasty treats (have you seen these tower things?), the biggest tin of candied pecan halves, and a box of chocolate covered almonds. That was just yesterday!

Let me give you a brief description of my coworkers. One is a body-builder who's one and only treat in life is an occasional Dr. Pepper that he must work off with an extra hour in the gym. One is constantly thinking he's dying a slow death from his high cholesteral numbers, blaming the company for his condition, and also hates sweet on his meat (heh, that sounds funny) so he's unlikely to enjoy any of these treats, except the turkey. There is one guy who I've never seen let anything untoward pass his lips; he's one of those freaky eaters who is maybe 26 at best and should be eating all the crap he can before his gut keeps him from seeing his shoes. Then there is CruiserMel.

I've been a very good girl lately, in preparation for my Christmas gift to myself, a trip to NYC, except for the occasional Tex-Mex meal, but I live in Texas and it's a necessary evil. Hey, what are you lookin' at?

But COME ON - get these things the F outta here!!!! In fact, all the guys left early today for one reason or another and I can't find my desk because of all the packages of treats. I'm probably paranoid, but I just know they've got a hidden camera aimed right at me to see if I turn into a ravenous beast only to be found tomorrow morning in a coma under my desk with tiny bits of honey-baked ham and chocolate dotting my chin whilst clutching a turkey carcass. Maybe it's my imagination, but it's at least keeping me from breaking into the treat tower, thank goodness.

This is so unfair! If companies want to send gifts, fine. Can't it be cash? Shoes? Liquor? Amazon.com gift cards?

Anyone with me?

Okay - rant over. What are YOU lookin' at?

12 comments:

Swishy said...

Sounds good to me! I work with a bunch of guys too, but they're all healthy eaters. I have to knock them over to get the crumbs.

CruiserMel said...

Sometimes I really hate healthy eaters. They think they're doing me a favor (girls like chocolate, right?), but I DON'T WANT THIS STUFF - NOT RIGHT NOW, AT LEAST. hee.

Anonymous said...

Then don't give into temptation. Who cares is they are around, just ignore it all. I know, easier said then done, but I don't like chocolate so I am safe.

Blakken said...

I am looking at you and wondering if you should get some bubble wrap :)

KP said...

I have received exactly ONE card from a vendor. BUT..I don't sit by the door either. (I'm cute too, right?). It's gotta be the door proximity thingy. PS...you know my address...send that bad stuff to me. What are friends for?? :)

Dezdmona said...

I think you need to re-distribute those kind offerings to your friends in need (of a pick me up).

Hey, are there any rum balls in there?

I've been good this year. *wink*

Golightly said...

I'm with you!!
A trip to NYC is the best trip ever

CruiserMel said...

kp - do we need a hug? Yeah, you're cute, you're cute. Geez.

blakken - bubble wrap? Huh?

Dez - no rum balls, but 2 rum cakes showed up the other day....

Golightly - I know! NYC during the holidays: does it get any better than that? Oh yeah, it does - when a boy is involved. *giggle*

Mr. Fabulous said...

You know you want to...go ahead...we won't tell...

Blakken said...

Bubble wrap because therapy is expensive. Meaning that it should not bother you. Just look the other way. You're addicted I can see that, but turn the other cheek. Don't give in nor go to the dark side (although the dark side is not so bad :P)

CruiserMel said...

Mr. Fab - you're a bad influence. Ya know that?

Blakken - dark side's fine, I just don't want to eat this crap until after my trip to NY. It's called self-control, I'm told. And I'm giving it a go.

But if I cheat, I'm not tellin.....

Bev said...

I haven't had to bring my lunch in the past week because of all our vendor goodies. There's always something to munch on.