About Me

My photo
Dallas, Texas, United States

Monday, March 19, 2007

At Least My Toes Rock

Does anyone say "lame" anymore? If they don't, well then I'm really uncool.

I have completely gone frump this evening.

The day started out great - I cranked it out at the office. Really got stuff done. Before I knew it, it was 5:00 and I was outta there.

Then I stopped at my favorite salon-de-nails (okay, I really wanted to say that in Phillipino, but I have no idea how to do that) and had my precious tootsies and fingers freshened up. Great toe color this time - it looks like metallic merlot, but OPI called it something much more clever. Christina (yeah, like that's her real name) put my freshly polished toes into these flat bright purple flip-flops and I was on my way. Home, I thought.

But then I remembered that I wanted to stop by the liquor store to purchase a half-gallon of my friend E's favorite adult beverage that she can't buy in Pennsylvania. It was senior citizens night at the liquor store, so the place was loaded with shrivelled-up old farts utilizing their 10% discount. (Excuse me, if you make it to 65 why does that qualify a person for a discount? I swear, it's like a dare the store is throwing out there: if you are hooked on booze and can actually live to 65, we will front ya the extra 10%.) Anyhoo, I fwacked in on my purple flip-flops, minding my own biz when I heard little whispers coming from, count em, three little old peeps and felt the glare of their tri-foculs on my pretty lil feet. Funny, but I don't think they noticed my merlot-y nails. Geez, get a life, grandma.

I figured okay, since I've already been seen looking less-than-lovely, why not stop at the Walgreen's for a few items. Same thing there! Jimminy Cricket, stop staring at my shoes! Move it along, there's nothing to see here.

Throwing caution to the wind, I hit the quickie mart for a twelver of diet coke and good grief people - eyes UP, will ya? You'd think no one looking like trailer trash ever went to a 7-11!

I gave up on my other errands and headed home. I got CruiserDog fed. Then I got into a comfy tshirt, shorts and my new soft fuzzy robe and "proper" flip-flops. It's not much prettier, in fact the orange flip-flops are a little bright for the pastel yellow of the robe, but CruiserDog is colorblind, so it's okay.

Mmmm, hunger pangs. Make a salad? Grill a chicken boob? Nah - oatmeal. Yeah, oatmeal. In a plastic cup so I won't have to do a dish. Yeah, see I told you it would be lame.

I turned on my roommate aka "the telly" and sat down at the computer to catch up on some blogs. (Dammit y'all, this will take me all night to get caught up, you prolific things, you!) I didn't notice what channel the telly was tuned to, but soon found myself staring, open-mouthed at the wonder that is "Dancing with the Stars." Being too lazy to change the channel, I kept one eye on the telly and one eye on the computer. Before long, my eyes were doing this field goal thing and I had to choose. I tried to choose the blogs, but for goodness sakes, I think this trash has positioned a barbed hook right in my left cheek. (minds out of the gutters, boys) And it's soooooo bad! Uh-oh - here comes Sir Paul's ex - this could be entertaining. They're talking about her fake leg and stuff. Oh no, they aren't really thinking that thing could come OFF are they? That's it, they've hooked me, at least for the next few minutes.

Dammit. It didn't come off. And you just know the bookies in Vegas were taking bets on this, too. And she looked like hell. Who gave her that dress? It doesn't even deserve explanation except - uhhh.......no.

Turning back to my blogs, they announced Apollo Ono. Remember him from the Olympics? Man, that boy is c-ute! I never noticed that before. And he's brought it tonight. Okay, we can jump to the finals now, Mr. Producer.

Anyway - that's what's shakin' in CruiserMel's world. Jealous, are we?



21 comments:

Swishy said...

I totally wanted to see if her leg flew off, but I HAD to go work out and they didn't have it on at the gym! I saw Joey Fatone, though.

Love the oatmeal in a plastic cup ... lol. And yay on the pedicure! I am SO getting one this week.

tfg said...

Just be glad that the geezers weren't wearing flip-flops, too. Wow, I just nauseated myself.

CruiserMel said...

Swishy - 1. You KNOW most of the country tuned in to see that leg go flying. Dang. 2. At least you were doing something constructive unlike me. 3. I've always laughed at Joey Fatone's name. I mean, look at it. It says Fat One. I am pathetic. I know.

CruiserMel said...

tfg - oh man, here comes my oatmeal!

Lindystar said...

I swear everytime I go to the store lookin trashed (or trashy) I see a minimum of 3 people I know or more likely used to know.

I dig how you proudly sported your manicure flops, cuz it's not LAME.

IS lame not a word to use anymore? I use it every day.

mist1 said...

Did I really just read "chicken boob?"

Dezdmona said...

I was soooo into Dancing with the Stars when Emmitt was on, but doubt I'll watch it this time...too much of a time investment.

But my son does say "lame", so your still cool.

And to hell with the folks with the feet fetish.

O...don't complain about the 10% discount. It won't be long till we'll be snagging those Senior perks. LOL

RockDog said...

My wife watched Dancing with the stars and I found that it is the equivalent of a handful of sleeping pills. Not even the luscious Cheryl Burke could keep my eyes open...

CruiserMel said...

Lindy - I really don't know the verdict on "lame" - but if it is passe', someone needs to tell me a new word to fill that gap. Luckily, I didn't see anyone I actually know - at least no one volunteered that they knew me! LOL

Mist - Chicken boob, indeed. That's what we called them in college and I guess it's stayed with me. I mean, that's what it is, right?

Dez - Shut yo mouth - I will never admit to being old even if it is to save a buck or two. Hell, I'll send YOU inside to buy my bourbon!

Rockdog - I was definitely not "into" it, but it was kind of like a train wreck waiting to happen. I couldn't stop staring!

Tug said...

So now you & your toes are the talk of the town, huh? Could be worse I'm sure... My daughter & I were going to the store in our flannels 15 years ago - WAY before it was the 'in' thing.

Golightly said...

Me too! I was holding my breath that her leg would come off - but here's hoping it does during the rest of the season! I bet half the peeps watching are tuning in just to see that leg fly off...is that bad, that I said that?!?! hee hee

Amy said...

Hoo me! I'm so glad I stopped by here tonight. I needed a good laugh. Not AT you, of course...I'm laughing WITH you, CM.

Random comments on your life:

1. Our nail people are Vietnamese. Tina does my nails. I don't think Tina is her real name either.

2. GASP!! I get the SAME looks when I go out, flopping around in my fuschia pink or intensely purple foamy flip flops. So I bring my own with me now. In the winter, bizarrely, it makes Tina mad that I do this ("Why you wear flip flops today?! It 30 degrees outside! I got flip flops for you!"). Secretly, this pleases me. I don't know why.

3. I can't watching DANCING WITH THE STARS. It's bad enough I tune into AMERICAN IDOL every now and then. Like tonight, for example...I'm not really even watching the singers, either. Mostly, I'm watching Paula for drugged behavior and Simon, who I have a love/hate relationship with (Love = the accent/ Hate = his forearms)

I am sad that ex-Mrs. McCartney's leg didn't go flying off. For some reason, I think she kind of deserves for that to happen.

jeremy said...

i bet you just called it "the telly" to sound british, attempting to lend this post a touch of class.

CruiserMel said...

Tug - do you mean like, pajama pants? Aren't you the trend setter? Come on baby, vogue!

Golightly - hell to the no! The divine former Mrs. Sir Paul has been mentioned in at least 1/3 of the blogs I read today. And those are just the ones brave (or brazen) enough to mention it. Those producers are totally milkin' this.

Amy - She DOES deserve it. I never cared for her. And Paul? Um - he's a friggin BEATLE! What's he doing with a skank like that?

Jeremy - I need all the help I can get to sound classy after I just called Heather Mills a skank. Wow. Where the F did my etiquette just go?

Just Sayin' said...

You're looking at it from the wrong perspective... They weren't dissing your flip-flops...

They were merely admiring your freshle painted purple piggies...

"Oooooohhh Gladys look at her toes."

"My, my Blanche they're gorgeous aren't they..."

I'm just sayin'...

CruiserMel said...

Well look at you, Just Sayin, being all sensitive and all. Your caring side is showing again.

Just Sayin' said...

Damn... And I thought I killed that side years ago. The only thing I want inside is guts... and black stuff...

I'm just sayin'... ;)

starlet said...

my bookie never called me to give me the odds on the leg-falls-off bet... DAMN HIM.

Crystal said...

ha. you said chicken boob.

and i think the only reason half of america is watching that show in hopes that the leg will fall off in the middle of the salsa number.

CruiserMel said...

Just sayin' - I won't tell anyone. Your secret's safe with me.

Starlet - fire that guy's ass.

Crystal - True, at least that's been my concensus. It's salsa night this week - that should be funny - doing the samba and looking all latin and stuff and *kerplunk* her leg falls out from under her dress. Good times.

KP said...

Um, yeah...I wore those same flip flops to a bar last week. OMG that was funny! I didn't care after about 10 glasses of wine though.