The Times They Are A-Changin'

Today is my birthday. Why, thank you. And you, too. You're the best.

The day started off just dandy, with CruiserDog's fuzzy butt in my face on the pillow next to me. Then somehow I completely missed the glass as I was pouring some left-over iced tea from a pitcher, drenching my feet and kitchen floor. It all improved as I got to the office and handled a couple of problems that had been hanging over my head (well, more like piling up on my desk) with finesse and lightning speed. By the time I left the office, I was smiling, looking forward to a four-day weekend filled with a couple of Todd shows in Austin and Dallas. Life was great!

I buzzed through some errands and headed home to find several bday cards, mostly insulting, the way I like it. Life really is great, indeed.

And then...what's this? A catalog I've never seen before. Hmm. Two lovely women on the cover, smiling at the camera with a look that seemed to say in some condescending way: "I understand."

WTF?

I leafed through the pages a little and discovered a pattern. This was a catalog entirely aimed at middle-aged vain women! Vain, I might be, but I'll be DAMNED if I'll ever admit to being middle-aged! I might cave-in when I'm rounding 70, but not now, no way. And certainly not on my frickin' birthday!

The cover says "As We Change" in a typeface that just looks like it "understands." Good grief! If you truly understand, you would most certainly not time your mailings to arrive at a woman's mailbox on her birthday; I don't care if it's her 29th or 69th! F you and your understanding font!

I must admit I did check out what they were selling and most of it was nonthreatening, in an aging sense. (moisturizing creams, satin pillowcases, magnifying mirrors, etc.) Then, as I got further into the magazine, it got a bit scary. There were pajamas designed for women who suffer hot flashes. There were vitamin supplements to make one feel sexy again. There were at least 3 pages of girdles. Girdles!

And then, they cut to the chase with "personal massagers." Oh. My. God. Pages and pages of "personal massagers." It was bordering on soft-core porn. Right here in my house! Then it hit me - these people are reminding women of a "certain age" that they can't get any from their men anymore at their advanced age. Way to go.

Such trash! Appalling! For shame!

I'm planning on throwing it away as soon as I place my order.