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Dallas, Texas, United States

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Bigfoot Gets A Pedicure

The point of a woman going to a spa or a salon is to get a little pampering, a chance to treat one's self, to have an "I'm worth it" moment.

Or so I thought until last Saturday when I went to grab that L'Oreal moment for myself.

I went for a mani/pedi combo package. Yes, the deluxe package, please.

The bubbling foot spa, the massaging lay-z-boy chair, the lotions and potions....I wanted it all. I leaned back, let the shiatsu take effect, turned on my ipod, closed my eyes and let the flurry of Vietnamese bees do their thang to my fingers and toezies.

It was heaven and my esteem was blooming like ragweed in the fall. I felt indulged and a peaceful smile came across my face.

At this point, I felt a tap on my arm. One of the bees wanted to ask me a question. I took the earbuds from one ear and gave her a look that said "Why, yes, I'll take a glass of wine."

Vietnamese Bee: "You want eyebrow waxing?"

CruiserMel: "Sure. I'm worth it." (figuring I'd make her happy and put an additional $10 in her pocket to send home to her 100 year old great-grandmother.)

Vietnamese Bee: "You get lip waxed, too." (not in a question form either)

CruiserMel: "Uh, no thanks." (Did that once. Hurt like hell.)

Vietnamese Bee: "You get lip wax."

CruiserMel: "No. Thank you."

She got one of those looks on her face, as if to say "Suit yourself. Look like a monster for all I care."

I closed my eyes and went back to my music.

Then the "L'Oreal moment" passed. What does she see that I don't in my 10x magnifying mirror? Mother of God, am I growing a beard?

What will I say if the guys in ZZ Top want me to audition for them?

Kids will mistake me for Santa at the mall!

What if they do a remake of The Addams Family and want me to be in it?

So much for "I'm worth it." I'm apparently Sasquatch. But I've got rockin' toes. Sorry Great-Grandmama.


Anonymous said...

OMG I am with you 100%. They do the same thing to me about my eyebrows. "You get brows done". I'm like No. Then they say it again. I always leave there feeling like a unibrow. They just do that to make more money. Don't let 'em get to you. OR you should counter with "No thanks, but maybe YOU should". Heh. By the way, I am going to Germany again next week. Want me to bring you anything? Luff, K.

Dezdmona said...

OMG! I'm laughing so hard I need a monitor squeegie.

But it is insidious the way they taunt you. ;)

Anonymous said...

I'm hoping you can tell me where you got that photo of Bigfoot. I have a client that's looking to create an 8+ foot cut out of bigfoot and loves your photo. If you still have the image or can tell me where I can get rights to use it, email LMIGraphicsandSigns@gmail.com.