Oh no I di'nnt

Time to 'fess up: I'm an addict. And not even to what one would call "quality" television. Don't get me wrong, I have been known to watch The History Channel, TLC, and even some PBS on occasion. But my guilty pleasure is what I affectionately call "Freak TV." It's completely bad for human consumption, but oh so tasty. Matter of fact, it probably rots teeth. I will confer with my dentist to see if this is true and get back to you later. It's that plate of cheesy enchiladas, on top of a greasy pepperoni pizza, with a side of mac-n-cheese followed by a huge ramekin of chocolate mousse. (insert your favorites if you like)

My most recent find in the Freak TV Guide is Flavor of Love on VH-1. Don't sit there and tell me you haven't watched even a couple of minutes of this trash. It is the trashiest of trash and yet I can't stop watching it. It's a freakin' train wreck and I'm just looking for the bling to fly. If you think ABC's The Bachelor is women at their complete basest, you ain't seen nuffin yet.

The women (I can't possibly call them ladies) on this show are swinging their backsides in much-too-tight miniskirts like there's no tomorrow. They are pole-dancing to win their man (Flavor Flav, if you've been under a rock). To say they are getting their freak on is putting it mildly. And on national television, no less! You may ask yourself "Where are their mothers?" Well, Flav has an answer for that and to prove it, he actually brings some of the parents to his crib to hang with his posse. Oy vey. The mothers are even worse than the candidates for Flav's affection or riches or his grill or whatevah. I'm not kidding here, this is the epitome of "Freak TV."

And to make matters worse, here is the part that totally chaps me: Flavor Flav is the most normal of the group. I would never be caught dead saying that Flav (I feel I can call him by his nickname since we spent hours together the other day, just us and the DVR) is in any way a brainy person, or even logical, but in comparison to his posse, he's Albert Einstein, or at least Ben Stein. That's the part that scares me. Flav is the normal one? I'll rot in hell for saying that.

All I can say is that I really must have an addictive personality because I'm beginning to prepare myself for the withdrawl I'll suffer when Flav picks his new love this Sunday and the show is gone, until Flavor of Love 3. I'm really wondering if I'll have any fingernails left after that.

But wait - all is not lost. Breaking Bonaduce starts up pretty soon. Whew, close one.

Now go on - what are you hanging around here for? Happy Thursday!