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Dallas, Texas, United States

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

The Ice Storm (?) And My Hammer Elbow

Yesterday, Dallas was recouperating after our "alleged" ice storm that took way too long to arrive and appeared to be quite uneventful, IMHO. The meteorologists were "ate up" about it for days. No kidding, if I could've reached through the television screen and radio faceplate to strangle their scrawny screen (and speaker)-hogging necks, I wouldda. And they were gooooooood. Bitches. They actually had me at "Oh, it's coming, folks, be ready."

After a quick trip to the store to buy provisions for what might be the end of the world, I actually made soup. And it was good. Seriously, don't keel over from the shock.

Anyhooo, that was Saturday. And then Sunday. By Monday, I was sick of waiting for the Second Coming, was getting sick of frickin' soup and was looking forward to a day at the office. It was a sunny day, and though my street looked a little glazed, I knew I only had about 1/2 a mile to drive, so all was looking good. I gathered up my usual stuff that goes to work with me: South Beach breakfast bar, Diet Coke, kleenex (yeah, still a little punie), iPod to fill with more tunes, my purse and my coat. I activated the alarm and while it was beepbeepbeeping I tugged on the back door. Wow, soup must make you weak, I thought. Did I unlock the top lock? Check. Doorknob lock? Check. Okay, try again. Geez, I really need to work on my upper body strength. Try again and nothing. My eyes drift upwards in disbelief and I see a huge crack leading from the top of the door jamb to the ceiling. And it was fresh. Maybe the Apocalypse had indeed come and my house had shifted? Nope. Just our great clay soil here in Texas. Albeit, we did get over 4 inches of moisture since Friday, but dear God, I just want to go to work / get outta this house and away from this blasted soup!

Not to be completely discouraged, I turned off the alarm, reset it and hauled booty to the front door (not easy in those measly few seconds) and exited. I had to walk all the way around back to get my car out of the garage. I hit the button to raise the g-door and WTF, it goes up about a foot and hangs there. I hit the button again and it closes. Again and it goes up a foot. Again and it closes. This goes on for about 20 hits before I figure my car is entombed forever and go around to the front door of the house, enter, run like hell to the alarm pad (by the back door that no longer works) and disarm that M-F'er. ALL I WANT TO DO IS GO TO WORK, DAMMIT! I contemplated calling the dealership to see if I could just buy a new car over the phone, but that seemed a little drastic. I was sweating. I was out of my mind. I had become an emo song. I called my boss (see how wonderful and dutiful I am?) to ask if he's going to be passing by here and could he give me a ride to work?

Boss: Didn't you get my message? We're all going to work from home today, blah blah blah.

CruiserMel: Wait. What? You called me?

Boss: Yeah, don't go in today.

CruiserMel: But, but........ I need to. *in pouty voice* (Did he really have to know that I was soup-soaked and needed human interaction?)

Boss: It's just not worth it. Too icy.

CruiserMel: But, you see....I'm trapped here.

Boss: Have a good one. See ya tomorrow.

I was deflated. Discouraged. Dis - oh I dunno. I felt like I had on one of those ankle-bracelet thingies probationers have to wear.

Then it came over me. I was crazed. I tore open my trusty tool drawer, the one with all those tool thingies and twist-ties, cuz you never know when you might need one of those. Dig, dig, dig....AHA! I grabbed a hammer (wow, I need to remove that pricetag, Mel) and like the possessed mother of a drug-addicted, gambling, prostitute teen in a Lifetime movie, I went back out the front door, around back, opened the side-door to the garage and proceded to whack away at the tracks for the g-door until I was breathless. It finally cried "uncle" (or was that just "clang"?) about an hour later. No kidding. An hour of ferocious hammering away at that thing. My neighbors already thought I was crazy. Now they know.

I released my poor car from it's prison but was too exhausted to go anywhere. All my good intentions were shot. I'm pretty sure I've got hammer elbow now. And a garage door that will probably fall on me when I'm least expecting it, just out of spite.

Whoa, that got a little wordy, huh? Sorry for the ramble.

Fast forward to today (Tuesday). I go through same routine, sans garage door hammering seeing as how I got wise to the garage door and parked in the drive (so there), go to work and have a lovely day. Here's the bestest part and the purpose of this posting.

When I got home, there was a sweet little prezzie on my doorstep. A neat little box with that familiar "Amazon" smiley on the side. Ah, yes - I'd almost forgotten that I'd cashed in my Amazon gift card I'd gotten from B & S for Christmas for some loot of the musical kind. Here's the rundown:

1. A book about Todd Rundgren.
2. "Pet Sounds" by The Beach Boys, remastered digitally. It's beautiful.
3. "The Village Sessions" by John Mayer, for those nights I need something accoustic.
4. "Daughtry" by, uh, Chris Daughtry. And it's GOOD.
5. A DVD of Todd Rundren in San Fran. (haven't seen it yet but you know how I love me some Todd.)

Thanks B & S for the gift card. You've made my day. Oh - do you know any garage door repair men?


Dezdmona said...

O Spew! Was the ice keeping your garage door stuck? ROTFLMAO!

Well, it's 26° and snowing today, all the schools are closed - did your Boss call you again?

How's that Cabin Fever doing now?
You can always call or IM me...LOL.

Johnny Virgil said...

I STILL have no power. Since monday. It's not coming back until tomorrow either.

That daughtry record surprised me. I don't usually go in for the idolers, but he wrote more than half the tunes on the record, I think. It's pretty decent.

Tug said...

We are SO lucky to not have the ice...wow. I've found if you have enough wine, you don't even need soup. Or don't mind it as much. Or something...

CruiserMel said...

Dez - No, the garage door has always been persnickity (?) but it's days are numbered, I tell ya! And excuse me - but did I somehow bring on this snow by this post? I guess it's true that you get what you wish for. Dammmmmm.

JV - No power? That totally bites. I think I could go maybe 30 minutes before I would lose it. I'm an electricity hog. Sounds awful.

Tug - the soup just rounds out the food pyramid. LOL

Dezdmona said...

Mel, at least the frozen precipitation is fluffy and white this time.

But enough is enough, and it's too damned cold. (Think the skeeters are dead yet?)

I gotta go to where it's WARM!

CruiserMel said...

Dez - it won't be much longer before your sippin' that tropical drink on the beach. Bitch.

mist1 said...

I gotta know what kind of provisions you bought. I never understand these purchases. They make me wonder what h hell people are preparing for.

Anonymous said...

oh heck no. I've been home for half a day and I'm already craving human interaction AND yes the weather teams can stop their over-dramatics of the situation BUT its because of them that we are not at work, hee ;)

Williebee said...

sorry to hear about the garage door, mel.

Here in Sillinois we spent yet another three days in cold drizzling rain. My closet has never been this clean.

The sun came out today. It was 15 degrees. I walked to work anyway, just to watch the fiery orb in the sky. (Yeah, I know. Mom said not to do that.)

CruiserMel said...

Mist1 - well, I wasn't such a good planner on my provisions. I bought enough stuff to make soup, some French bread, diet coke and TP. You know, the necessities to sustain life.

Golightly - Good point about the weather men. But they kept us thinking it would hit any second from Friday until FINALLY it came in on Sunday and it wasn't "all that." But did they get it right about today? Nooooooooooo.

Williebee - Oh grrrreat. Being that I'll be in "Sillinois" in 10 days, I'm not really diggin' the 15 degree weather. I also hear a front is going through Chicago mid-week. Fan-f'in-tastic. You're a brave man to be living anywhere near there.

Blakken said...

I agree with the end of the world. What is up with all of it? Here in Houston, they acted like it was going to some horrible thing. Turned out to be nothing. I don't get it, but I am from the north. So, I think it was an excuse to get out of work :)

danielle said...

eff dez.

i worked in austin during the winter 6yrs ago and there was an ice storm. they closed down austin and we all worked from home that day. now it's like 16 degrees in cleveland and we're covered in ice and no one's even batted a fake fingernail.

Anonymous said...

Best one yet, M. I woke Oscar up from my laughing. My garage did the same thing. That was enough for me to stay home, but I have a 45 min drive... Too bad our gutter guy dropped off the face of the Earth, huh? I bet he coulda fixed it.

jeremy said...

what kind of fancy hammers come with price tags?

CruiserMel said...

blakken - So Houston didn't get the bad stuff like in Austin and S.A.?

Danielle - Actually I like that Texas shuts down on ice days. It's rare and usually fun - but for once I actually do need to get year-end work done, so my frustration level is high. I got a laugh from your fake fingernail remark.

KP - sorry about that, Oscar. Hee. OMG, I forgot about gutter boy. He'd be good at a bunch of things, I'm thinkin....

Jeremy - Hammers that have never been used, that kind. I'm a little bit of a girly-girl. Can't help it. *blush*

Blakken said...

Nope we go nothing! I mean nothing woman. I wish I got out of work today, but the company didn't even close! What a big waste...

starlet said...

so what I gather from the blogs its snowing in Dallas, icy in Vegas and sunny in Portland. Apocolypse indeed. I bet hell has frozen over.

Amy said...

I live down South, where a 1/2 inch of rain confuses people like someone just detonated a nuclear bomb over the city. So weather guys do that here, too. For the last 2 days, the tv news headlines were all about "Winter Watch 2007!!" "The Ice Storm 2007 Cometh!!!"

It was just a small bit of drizzle and 30 degree weather. Every winter I think: Man. I spent 5 years in Illinois freezing my effin' ass off--these people need to get a life.

Whenever I actually say that out loud, I always get these really long stories about "The Blizzard of 1993," when there was a foot--A WHOLE FOOT!!!--of snow on the ground. It shut the city down. And I live in a big ass city, yo.

People in the Deep South are weird.

Oh yes. And also: Chris Daughtry is hot! I'm still disgruntled about his American Idol departure.

Do you offer garage door beating services, by chance? I have a neighbor who could use some waking up.

CruiserMel said...

Blakken - ah you poor thang.

Starlet - It's a conspiracy I tell ya.

Amy - Yup, it's a slow news day in Texas when the weather is all we can talk about. But it's true...I remember the winter of 1979... heh. And as for Chris Daughtry, it wasn't me who didn't vote for him!!!!

Swishy said...

A day off AND new CDs ... not so bad, even with the garage door and the alarm!

MonkeyPants said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
CruiserMel said...

Private message to MP - done. Oh, and thanks for the explanation. It's probably true, they can't take a joke.

But JM? I kinda like his hair. Hubba hubba.

Sgt said...

must have been something juicy in the post to have it deleted and get a private message!

I'm so jealous

CruiserMel said...

Aw come on, Sgt - I could never delete you. MP requested I delete the message. It would've made the cover of the Inquirer if I hadn't done it. LOL

Anonymous said...

You are cordially invited to the Better late than never...

wedding of

Orlando Bloom
July 22, 2043 at 4 pm
Location: Stonehenge
'What will your wedding invitation look like?'

Random Musings Of My Life said...

Ha ha.. I Would have done the same thing to spite the friggin door...
And then went out to buy shoes...lol

Steven Novak said...

Have a good one...see you tomorrow.

I'm going to start saying that to people when I'm done listening to them talk...even if they aren't. ;)