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Dallas, Texas, United States

Friday, January 12, 2007

PWI: The Act Of Posting While Intoxicated

First off, let me say that this posting is gonna completely suck. Why? Well, I've got the television on in the next room and though any idiot can look outside or better yet - step outside ya lazy bums - and see that Dallas is gonna get socked with HELLO, winter weather, these TV people won't shut the F up about it! Admittedly, Dallasites are fairweather folks, but get a frickin grip, peeps. Does the local meteorologist have to break in every 90 seconds to tell us it's raining and getting colder? Did I mention this is January? I swear, people are hitting the grocery stores like nuclear winter is fast approaching.....and this is newsworthy on a non-workday-eve, why? Whatevs. But the whole reason I'm ranting here is because I'm too blase' on this thing to get my fanny outta my chair to walk the 15.2 feet to hit the remote to see what else is on or better yet, turn on some tunes. Yeah, I'm a little snippy tonight. CruiserDog refuses to potty outside in this weather, so I've got a present to pick up in the living room and I'm dreading the extra "cookies" I gave him earlier today.

In the meantime, I have been surfin' my favorite blogs (and hitting some of your links to others, as well) and having a good time feeding my growing addiction. Damn, there are some funny folks out there in blogland! Kudos to most of y'all, my dear friends.

I have come to a conclusion about bloggers. I should add this is a very general conclusion, as I don't want a bunch of angry comments, cuz frankly, I do know how to scroll down and completely skip your sorry butts. My lawyers told me I had to say that. Their words, not my own.

After reading at least 2 blog entries on perhaps 50 blogs over the past 24 hours, (okay, two hours. shut up.) I have come to the very general conclusion that bloggers are drunks and insomniacs. We also either get way too much sex or not enough. And some of us love to talk about our bathroom habits. Or those of others. And we completely crack ourselves up. Alot.

If there was a way to lump all blogs (not just blogger brand blogs) (and I'm sure there is, but like I said, I'm too blase' tonight) into a big ole search engine, what do you suppose would be the most blogged words? I would say it's a five-way tie between "poop," "vodka," "wine," "penis," and "vagina." Am I wrong, people? I really don't know why I'm even writing this, but I've been drinking tonight (oddly enough, not vodka) and I just wanted to see what it felt like typing "vagina" myself. Freeing, I must say.

I must give props to those bloggers who are advanced in their art. You know the ones: those who post everyfrigginday and those who have video and audio posts. You probably won't see that from me because honestly, I'm too lazy to figure it out. Phttttt.

Seeing as how my drink needs refilling and I've really got to turn that TV off and I'm feeling the urge to kitchen dance whilst I still have power before Dallas turns into Wisconsin, per the droning on and on meteorologist (damn, that's hard to type when PWI'ing), I will hit the "publish post" button for now.

But wait - one more teeny thing. Does anyone else use yahoo for their email? WTF is up with that dancing cowboy on the auto insurance ad everytime I want to check my fanmail? That's the dumbest thing I've ever seen. Cowboy dancing creeps me out in the first place, but in shadowed silhouette form, it's just stoopid. (Yeah, I know how to spell it correctly, but dancing cowboys don't deserve correct spelling.)

Thanks for playing. Take your drunken, insomniac penises and vaginas outta here. There's kitchen dancing to be done! First track: Berlin's "Now It's My Turn."

36 comments:

Tug said...

I just popped over from Fab's place to poop while enjoying my penis and vagina while drinking vodka-tinged wine. In a tumbler. I'll be back... ;-)

mist1 said...

My name is Mist 1. I am a blogger and a drunk. I am sometimes oversexed, although not tonight, which is why I am commenting on blogs on a Friday night after a perfectly lovely bottle of wine. I love to talk about myself. I do it on my blog (please follow the link above) and I do it Monday through Friday. I read my magazines in the bathroom and I like my toilet paper to come over the roll not under. I also crack myself up, a lot. I blog about vodka a lot, although I prefer the word snatch or crotch to vagina. It was very freeing to type the word vagina just now.

mist1 said...

I just wanted to come back and type the word vagina again.

CruiserMel said...

Tug - thanks for comin' 'round these parts. I do so hope you find your way back some other time. We need to talk about this sisters separated at birth thingy. Or whatever. I'm easy. Pull up a chair and we'll discuss all things bitchy, vagina-y, penis-y, winey or was that whiney? and ... oh jeez, too much bourbon. Forgive?

CruiserMel said...

mist1: Good Lord, it appears a bunch of us were separated at birth! I, too, have to have the TP coming OVER not under. SISTER!!!!! (and btw, I HAVE followed the link and love it, yeah bab-ay, ya big drunk!) I'm not into the vagina, snatch, crotch, p-words (can't bring myself to type that one) all that much, but I must say, I felt all Helen Reddy tonight when I typed it. Do come back, pweeze. I'm so flattered. *bowing* *uh oh, lost my balance there*

Sidenote: why does blogger come up with these weird combos of letters when they obviously know we are drunks and can't possibly figure out how to type aazpuk?

Brooklyn Frank said...

i like to hear mist talk about vaginas.

Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

"I have come to the very general conclusion that bloggers are drunks and insomniacs. "

I resemble that remark. Except I like to nap. Usually after a drink.

Blakken said...

Hi, my name is Blakken, and I am undersexed all the time. Please help me because sometimes I am just going to go nutty...Ok, I got that off my chest, but heck let me get the bottle of wine...

CruiserMel said...

Brooklyn Frank - I'd think it might be easier to hear Mist1 talk about vaginas ON HER BLOG. Just a thought. But if you insist...I'll try to make it a point to talk about vaginas occasionally here. It IS a little liberating.

Shamus - NAPS! How could I possibly forget that? I could just poop.

Blakken - Here's the corkscrew, bud. The tumblers are in the cupboard.

Williebee said...

And again Tug is boasting about that freakin' tumbler!

And yeah, Dakotah the Wonder Mutt won't go outside when it's cold and wet either. Doesn't want to get her precious butt wet. Oh, wait, that's BOB. Well, actually both of them.

Sgt said...

Oh please let me be the oversexed blogger.. please please please!

danielle said...

holy crap. you just broke the whole thing wide open; drunks and insomniacs writing about poop, vodka, wine, pee-pees, and va-jay-jays. i completely agree.

CruiserMel said...

Williebee - is BOB the same as the divine Ms. D?

Sgt - your wish is my command.

Danielle - I was afraid to do this piece, a la "Dirt" style. I am now living in an undisclosed location for whistleblowers. And trying to grow facial hair.

Johnny Virgil said...

You've stumbled on our secret. That cannot be allowed.

Dammit. I think I'm the under-sexed one.

CruiserMel said...

JV - THE undersexed ONE?

Williebee said...

One and the same, Mel. (to remind you. The first two letters stand for bossy and O'.... it's an irish thing.)

And Oh by the way, you know you're gonna get a bill from your lawyers, just 'cuz you mentioned them in a post.

Dezdmona said...

PWI can be fun...and dangerous!

This ice storm must be getting to you, maybe you need someone besides the vodka there with you...someone with a penis? ROTFLMAO

I think you've got cabin fever.
Somebody sound the alarm.

CruiserMel said...

Dez - I could say something like "you've said a mouthful there" but....nah, you've said a mouthful there. *nyuk nyuk*

But really - here it is, two days later and all I have is a soggy yard. No ice. No nuffin. Promises promises.

Blakken said...

Grabbing a tumbler out of the cupboard...joining Mel on the couch...

Sgt said...

You people and your "tumblers".

I can't wait to see the list of crazies all these keywords flush out of google... you know.. besides us.

Steven Novak said...

I"m neither drunk or an insomnic...

I"m just an idiot. :)

Steve~

Amy said...

Personally, I only refer to my nether regions by using the word va-jay-jay. And I'm more likely to use the word lovestick rather than penis.

But apparently I have used the word penis at least once on my blog because I once had google refer someone researching "ten year old penises." Which was kind of startling.

I'm not the only one to drink 10 too many glasses of wine and say to myself: "Hey! You know what would be really fun?! Go leave some erratic, misspelled, grammatically incorrect comments on other people's blogs and then the next time I interact with them pretend that wasn't me!"

Fortunately, I've never gotten drunk enough to post boob shots on my own blog. Yet.

I'm glad I found you MelCruiser. You make me laugh. And that's good. Also, I'm lazy too. That's not good. But laying around and laughing is, so I'm hanging out here at your place now too.

That's not necessarily a good thing, btw.

Amy said...

Personally, I only refer to my nether regions by using the word va-jay-jay. And I'm more likely to use the word lovestick rather than penis.

But apparently I have used the word penis at least once on my blog because I once had google refer someone researching "ten year old penises." Which was kind of startling.

Yay! Thank goodness I'm not the only one to drink 10 too many glasses of wine and say to myself: "Hey, self! You know what would be radically fun right at this very moment?! For you to take your drunk ass over to that computer there and leave some erratic, misspelled, grammatically incorrect comments on other people's blogs and then the next time you interact with them? Just pretend it wasn't you and you don't know what the hell they're talking about! Awesome!"

Fortunately, I've never gotten drunk enough to post boob shots on my own blog. Yet.

I'm so glad I just found you, MelCruiser. You make me laugh. And that's good. Also, I'm lazy too. And that's not good. But laying around and laughing is, so I'm adding your place as one of my new favorite internet hang out spots.

That's not necessarily a good thing, btw.

Amy said...

Personally, I'm only allowed to refer to my nether regions by using the word va-jay-jay. And I'm more likely to use the word lovestick instead of penis.

But apparently I have used the word penis at least once on my blog because I once had google refer someone researching "ten year old penises." Which was kind of startling.

I'm not the only one to drink 10 too many glasses of wine and say to myself: "Hey! You know what would be really fun?! Go leave some erratic, misspelled, grammatically incorrect comments on other people's blogs and then the next time I interact with them pretend that wasn't me!"

Fortunately, I've never gotten drunk enough to post boob shots on my own blog. Yet.

I'm glad I found you MelCruiser. You make me laugh. And that's good. Also, I'm lazy too. That's not good. But laying around and laughing is, so I'm hanging out here at your place now too.

That's not necessarily a good thing.

Anonymous said...

Someone slap the DJ... The record is skipping.

Vaaaaaaaaa...Giiiiiiiiin...Aaaaaaaa

It is pretty liberating...

I'm just sayin'...

CruiserMel said...

blakken - you're always welcome here, just wipe your paws before you come indoors.

Sgt - I'm gonna sound dumb here, but how would I find something like that out? (okay, sorry folks for the techie question)

Steven - I'm hot for idiots.

Amy - Welcome! What nice words you say. *licking chops like the big bad wolf* But really, you flatter me. I may have to leave a drunken comment on your blog sometime! But I will have to get another sign-in name, cuz it's hard to deny those drunken posts the next day with one's name hanging out there. Just sayin.

Anon - it is oddly freeing, isn't it? But aren't you a guy?

Sgt said...

Notice Amy said "Yet" when refering to posting her boobs on the internet. This of course means: "Bookmark and check back later"

Various site trackers you can add to your blog will do this. Some are free, other cost a small amount per year. They usually send you a list of how many people are coming to your site and from where.

Mel, you blog hates me and gives me the worst verification words:
http://www.blogger.com/captcha?type=IMAGE&captchaKey=u9p7b4cmxx7a

starlet said...

okay you totally forgot the word FUCK.

CruiserMel said...

Starlet - um, I'm so ashamed. :)

Amy said...

Jeeeesus Christ! What the holy hell was WITH blogspot yesterday?? This is why I'm on wordpress. Are you listening blogspot gods? Are you listening!

My 3 posts make me look like I was, well, DRUNK. And I swear: I was not.

I am, however, currently working on my 2nd glass of wine. So I might be back later. Just 'cause.

Sgt: If and or when I do a drunken boob post, I will not reveal WHOSE boobs I am posting a picture of. But please! Bookmark away.

danielle said...

the 10-year old penis thing mystifies me. i mean, i totally knew what that was when i searched on it and arrived at your blog.

CruiserMel said...

Geez, the comments are way funnier than my original posting!

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

How long have you been blogging? Because you do it like a pro!

Also, I totatlly agree with you on the dancing silhouette cowbows! They annoy the piss out of me. Weird.

Blogs and booze go together like bullets and guns.

Swishy said...

Total insomniac here! LOL. That sounds like a pretty true assessment to me ... I'm also in the "not getting enough" camp. Lucky me.

CruiserMel said...

Lightning Bugs....oh whatever, LBB. You flatter moi. Seriously, flustered here. You're cute, aren't you?

Swishy - All are welcome. We may all talk about things that should remain unsaid, but we're a fun group!

Johnny Virgil said...

Wait, you can do this shit PROFESSIONALLY?? WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME THIS UNTIL NOW?

DAMMIT.