All My Exes Live in Texas......

Over the weekend, I watched a dvd that my new friend L gave me. It's concert footage of a 1988 Cheap Trick show. In case I haven't mentioned it before, I'm not just all-about-Todd. A close second for my all-time fave bands is Robin Zander (to this day he's still one of the best rock voices around), Tom Petersson, Rick Nielsen and Bun E. Carlos aka Cheap Trick. And they are still rockin' the socks off of fans today.

Watching that show reminded me of a story that occurred back in the 80's that involved a young and impressionable CruiserMel, Cheap Trick, a Holiday Inn, a dealer of illegal substances, a puppy dog, and an angry redneck. Wanna hear it?

My girlfriends and I decided to take a road trip to Fort Worth, all of 40 miles away, but it seemed like a big deal to us. We checked in to the Holiday Inn, whored-up and went to the show at a giant club, the name of which I have long forgotten.

But the fun was only beginning when we got back to the hotel. Our friend A had provided one of the band members with herbal pleasure (to be discreet) for quite some time and thus, we pressed him to get us into party after the show. When I say "party," I mean Room 232 and 234. And no, it wasn't glamorous.

After A conducted "business" we got to hang out with the guys. Just us 4 girls, a few other stragglers and the band. Awesome!

As we roamed from 232 to 234 and back again, my friend E realized there was this presence constantly shadowing her. It was Robin. Yup, the cute blond one. She was clearly 6" taller than he was but he wouldn't let her get 6 feet away from him. We were all agog and hoping to live vicariously through her. E could not have been less interested. Naturally, that just lit a fire under him. It was hysterical - watching her try to shake him. He was a pitiful little puppy, trailing her like that. I think I was more proud of his interest in her than she was.

Meanwhile, one of the other stragglers had hooked up with the bass player (it wasn't Tom Petersson at that time - his name was Jon Brandt) and they had left the party together. Whatever. It's just rock n roll, baby. And it was the 80's.

After partying until the wee hours, we girls went to our room, giggled the night away about E's new puppy and finally passed out.

At about 7:00 am, there came a banging on the door. My roomies were dead to the world, but the banging had roused me from my sleep and I peeked through the peephole and saw something that just had to be a figment of my imagination.

It was a redneck with a rifle. Or shotgun. I know, I'm from Texas and should know the diff but hey, I was on about an hour of sleep. Deal with it.

Anyway, Redneck with a Rifle (I like that name) was none too pleased and was foaming at the beard (ick) about someone named Jon being with his ex wife and how he was going to "fuck you (him) the fuck up!" He thought they were in OUR room. I tried to clear it all up through the door (I'm not stupid now, nor was I then, so that door would stay locked as long as it took) but as soon as he heard my voice (female and muffled), he immediately thought that I was his ex. Phuckity phuck! He started banging on the door with the rifle!

Eventually, I shut up and he stumbled out of my view through the peephole. There was quiet.

A couple of hours later, we met the band for breakfast in the cafe. Everyone was in attendance except Jon, who finally speed-walked in with a pale face and deer-in-the-headlight eyes. Apparently, Redneck with a Rifle had figured out the right room and had had a talkin'-to with him.....at the end of the gun's barrel.

Though I laugh when I think of it now, it was by no means funny at the time.

And so, ladies and gents, there's no such thing as a true ex in Texas. Be forewarned.

I leave you with a little walk down memory lane - one of my favorite Cheap Trick songs ever: "She's Tight" from the 1982 record "One on One"....which just happens to have been produced by Todd Rundgren. Heh - you thought I'd let that one slip? Oh, and the guy in the red shirt? Jon Brandt. I'd forgotten how cute he was. It's a good thing the Redneck with a Rifle didn't mess up that pretty face.