Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
But in an effort to bring you the latest in late-breaking news, this little gem popped up this evening on Yahoo News. Maybe you can forgive me for being lazy since this item does sort of stay in the same genre as Buddy The Donkey. Hey, gimme a break.
BERLIN - An early-morning German bank customer had a bit of a shock when he found a horse already in line at the automatic teller machine in front of him. It seems the horse's owner, identified only as Wolfgang H., had a bit too much to drink the night before and decided to sleep it off inside the bank's heated foyer, police said Tuesday.
The 40-year-old machinist told Bild newspaper he had had "a few beers" with a friend in Wiesenburg, southwest of Berlin, and decided to hit the hay in the bank on his way home.
"It was late, it was already dark and cold," he was quoted as saying.
Confronted with the lack of a hitching-post, he brought the 6-year-old horse, named Sammy, in along with him.
When a customer came across the horse and sleeping rider in the bank at 4:15 a.m. Monday, he called police, who then came and woke the owner up and sent him on his way.
No charges were filed, but there might be some cleanup needed: Apparently Sammy made his own after-hours deposit on the carpet.
Rest assured, dear reader(s?), something whacky is bound to happen to CruiserMel. I'm due.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
08:38 PM CDT on Wednesday, April 18, 2007
By MICHAEL GRABELL / The Dallas Morning Newsmgrabell@dallasnews.com
He smelled bad, too.
As he got to the courtroom, the 3-year-old, 300-pound donkey paused. But with a quick shove from his owner and a tug on his red rope, Buddy walked slowly to the bench. He stared at the jury.
The trial lasted three hours. But as the jury went to deliberate, the neighbors settled their dispute.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Use one word or a phrase for everything…
1. Yourself: strong, resillient, sensitive, good-natured
2. Your family: formal
3. Your hair: has to be blow-dried or heads will roll
4. Your Mother: sweet, frail
5. Your Father: wisest person I'll ever know
6. Your favorite item: iPod and speaker system for kitchen dancing
7. Your dream last night: did I sleep?
8. Your favorite drink: Weller (bourbon) & diet Coke
9. Your dream home: is a clean home (talk about dreaming!)
10. The room you are in: kitchen
11. Your ex: was a wuss
12. Your fear: criminals
13. Where you want to be in ten years: happy and in love
14. Who you hung out with last night: CruiserDog and a Grey's Anatomy dvd
15. What you’re not: a rock star, yet
16. Your best friend(s): E, Merv, L, K, CE, S, B
17. One of your wish list items: maid service
18. Your gender: female
19. The last thing you did: franchise tax form for my neighborhood association
20. What you are wearing: Yogi Bear sleep pants and a tshirt
21. Your favorite weather: warm, preferably with a light Caribbean breeze
22. Your favorite book: "The Pilot's Wife" by Anita Shreve or "The Shining" by Stephen King
23. Last thing you ate: carrots and Ranch dressing
24. Your life: *sigh*
25. Your mood: quiet, sleepy
26. The last person you talked to on the phone: credit card customer service guy
27. Who you are thinking about right now: T
28. Your best friend(s): wasn't this #16?
29. Your car: needs washing
30. What you’re doing at the moment: laundry and watching tv
31. Your summer: concerts baby!!!!
32. Your relationship status: are you kidding?
33. What’s on TV: Larry King
34. The weather: rainy, dreary
35. The last time you laughed: this evening at Sanjaya's hair
Now, I'm tagging all of y'all - you can pick any or all of the phrases and apply to yourself. Come on, we might all learn sumpin.
Monday, April 16, 2007
This just gets all over me like a cheap suit. I'm outraged! I'm furious! But you don't see me shooting up the place.
If you're bent on offing yourself or are relatively sure that once you've done your deed that a police officer will see to it that you are issued instant justice, just off yourself and be done with it. Don't front off and take others with you!
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Yes, o ye faithful - I am making good on my promise to reveal photo documentation of my recent radial nerve release surgery. These pics are not for the very squeamish. Nay, not even really for the not-so-squeamish.
But you asked for it and ye shall receive. Here ya go, you sickos.
This photo shows what I've had to look at for the past 7 days. And it's been a miserable existence. Not being able to bend at the elbow has really cut into my drinking ability. Or maybe it's just the Vicodin that cut into my alcoholism. We may never know.
This is the foam cube thingy I have shared my bed with for the past 7 nights. We've grown quite fond of one another. He's squishy and snuggly and we can't keep our hands off of eachother. But we don't take it out in public. We're modest that way.
How'd this get in here? Oh yeah, I needed a cute boy to look at. Maybe you do, too since the ugliest of ugly is fast approaching.
And here's what Dr. McHottie did to me. Oh, the Versed was divine, but if I find out his home address, he's got some 'splainin' to do. My modeling career is over.
The Bionic Blogger
Saturday, April 07, 2007
let me tell you something.....gather 'round.....versed. (prounced ver-sed') versed is one of man's greatest inventions in the world of medicine. and my anesthesiologist, chris? he's the second greatest invention in the world of medicine. i love that man. i love him so much that i announced it to at least five nurses and doctors as they wheeled me into recovery wednesday, but only after i professed that my surgeon is the hottest doctor in the world - to his face. he said he would be sure to tell his wife, in case she didn't already know. honestly, he beats dr. mcdreamy hands down. did i mention that versed should be used to get info out of terrorists? it's that god. i mean good. hee.
unfortunately, they didn't send versed home with me. or chris or dr. mchottie, either. just vicodin, methocarbamol, and ketorolac. my new friends. they tend to make me throw up, but they've caused me to lose 6 pounds since tuesday, so they're allowed to stay.
the funniest part is this cube of foam rubber that i have to weave my arm through to keep my arm elevated. it reminds me of those robot people in the "i want my mtv" video from the 80's. it's huge and it laughs at me when i have to go to the bathroom. too bad there's no video for that because it should be on television, i'm sure. i'll try to get someone to take a picture of it (the cube) and post next week. it's just too hard to describe.
must sign off for now - time for a pill or two. heh.
oh, before i go - a big ole thanks to all of you who have been nice enough to drop by my little blog and give me tips on painkillers and/or your well-wishes. lucky for you, i'm not on versed right now because i'd profess your hotness in public for certain.
wait, you'd like that, wouldn't you?
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Yup, CruiserMel is going under the knife tomorrow. And I'm a little uneasy because they said they don't plan on putting me under. Dammit. Oh, he says he's going to make me "feel funny and talk even funnier," but seriously - I have to stay alert?
I'm being punished for letting my tennis elbow go on wayyyyy too long back in 2004. Back then, I did the physical therapy route (and had a ferocious crush on my therapist - is that normal?), did two rounds of steroid shots in the joint, but eventually had some surgery to fix the problem. They must have used chopsticks to do it, because all I had to show for it was two little scars that look like cigarette burns.
Then this year, perhaps flared up by my cross-country pursuit of rock & roll and thus schlepping luggage around, I found myself back in the doctor's office for yet another steroid shot. Yeah, it worked - for a whole 10 days.
After more tests and my own griping about "but it hurts!" they realized that it wasn't the original tendonitis (tennis elbow) that was giving me fits, but a pinched nerve. They won't use the chopsticks this time - oh no, they're using ginzu knives (maybe I'm making that part up...). Either way, my pretty little elbow will be scarred for life.
See? I told you it hurt!
So - I will not eat nor drink anything after midnight tonight. Not even bourbon or Triscuits. I will roll out of bed in the A and head for the hospital where I will be poked, prodded, and hacked away at in a region of my body that has given me grief for way too long. I will be sent home with an array of pain-killers which will probably spawn a creative streak never before seen, yet I won't be able to do a thing about it.
Because, in typical CruiserMel style, I didn't ask some really important questions like: How long before I can blog again? How will this affect my "art?" What, no blogging??????
So, kiddies, I will do my very best to give you a report as soon as I can - but it might be one-handed - and thus in code. I hope y'all don't forget about me. I certainly won't forget about you! (except while I'm on pain-killers)
Please keep checking back, pweeze? I promise something by the weekend - if only the before and after photos.