Headed to Paradise

Aloha, my friends!

If you're reading this, please know that I am having a Mai Tai in your honor, gazing at waterfalls, flying in a helicopter, learning the hula and the ukulele, rubbing elbows with fellow Toddheads (both famous and infamous) and enjoying some fine new Todd music - all the while thinking of you. Yes you.

Have a great week and perhaps I'll be able to update here as the week progresses. At the very least, there will be one helluva story to tell when I get back!

If you're particularly interested, I'll be an on-the-scene reporter for RundgrenRadio each day, so you can pause the music player to your right and hit the play button on the blue RR player. We'll be broadcasting most nights around 8:00 or 9:00 pm eastern time.

Mahalo, CruiserMel

Aloha, Oy!

Aloha my chitlins! CruiserMeli (yes, that's my name in Hawaiian) is counting down the days until she is in beautiful Kauai! Lemme explain.

As you know, Todd Rundgren rules. Right? RIGHT?

Well - you tell me how many celebrities open their residential property not only friends, but to fans for a week? Granted, it's for a couple of special occasions: 1. Todd's turning 60 next week. 2. Todd's long-awaited new CD will be debuting shortly thereafter and it's rumored to truly RAWK.

But come on - allowing the faithful (and hopefully not nutso) fans to flock to your own private sanctuary? For a week?

Did I mention that they are allowing the flock to actually camp on their property? (Heh, I called it a lawn to Todd's face a couple of months ago and he corrected me by saying "It's 5 acres!" to which I quipped - "Well, in Texas, that's a lawn." - but I digress.)

Don't be looking for blog entries about CruiserMeli getting her camping merit badge though. Hell no, I'm going in style and renting a house - I'm no dummy - a week on the ground? Get outta here.

The week will be capped-off on Todd's b-day with Todd and his band playing songs from the new CD LIVE - for us! For us! ON THE LAWN! (acreage. Evs.)

Todd and his wife will be feeding us, entertaining us, and putting up with us for a week! I can't begin to understand what's come over them.

Am I going? Duh.

I've got some stuff planned (boating, helicoptering, tubing, spa-ing) and some lovely time of non-planned stuff, like hanging with a bunch of the enlightened ones who actually "get" the whole Todd thing. To say I'm excited doesn't come close.

I'm so excited my hula's already got a shake in it and I'm ready to get lei'd!

More to follow so stay tuned. Get it? Tuned? Music? I'm so funny I'm crackin' my coconut bra!

I'm Not Excited Or Nothin'

Lookie where I'll be in a coupla weeks. I am so not diggin' the wait...

Self-Tanners And The Woes Of Whitey

Though my figure is eerily similar to the lady above (and by similar I mean short, waxy and grassy at times), I am sometimes hard-of-hearing as she is and I will be donning the ole coconut push-up bra in Kauai next month for Todd's 60th Bday Camporee (story to follow later), this is where the similarities end.

I am in a quandary and I need your advice.

I am a redhead by birth. I am white. Really white. I put the crack in cracker. And though I've spent years of attempting to defy the laws of Nature by basking in the sun, I have finally come to the realization that I will never be tanned, nor tall. At least not without the aid of a self-tanner and high heels.

Don't even try to tell me that tanning beds are the way to go, because I've been there and all that did was speed up the process of the sunburn and thus, the peel. Not pretty at all. And it makes my grass skirt cling.

Short of wearing pantyhose with sandals and I'm not decrepit YET, so I still have my dignity, this leaves me with the only other option remaining.

Sunless-tanners. Yes, that's the ticket.

I've found one that is designed to give a "gradual glow" in the form of a body lotion. It is also designed for fair maidens such as myself. I am nothing, if not realistic.

Here's the quandary: the directions specify that the product is best applied after exfoliation and that if applied daily, the glow will gradually glow darker until desired results are accomplished. But if I exfoliate daily, so as to apply the product daily, am I not just scrubbing off the previous day's glow?

And in case you're wondering...this entry is not just for entertainment's sake, nor is it just so that I can have something to post - I'm completely at a loss here. Ladies (and metrosexuals) - help me out. I need your best advice about this stuff and I need it pronto.

Mahalo

The Steel Magnolia

Hi folks. Well, 24 hours after my last entry, my mother passed away very peacefully, softly, sweetly. She was indeed a fighter until the end.

My brother absolutely had to be out of town from last Wednesday until Friday night, which left me feeling quite alone. Mom had time and time again asked that he & I be at her side when the time came, so you can figure that I was nervous that he would not be there.

That day, I had been with her a good portion of the day, however a very good friend of mine had flown into town that afternoon. I figured I could grab a bite of dinner and get back to Mom's pretty quickly.

We had a great time at dinner - and a couple of cocktails, which would come in handy later on. After dinner, my brother called to say he'd made it back into town and was wanting a report on Mom's condition. We decided to meet at her place as soon as possible, just in case.

He got there a few minutes before I did and got to have a few minutes of private time with her, before he tended to some of her mail in the kitchen. I got there and had a few minutes of private time myself, before I joined my brother in the kitchen to iron out some "what if's" with him. Not 3 minutes later, the hospice nurse called us into the room. Mom was gone. She absolutely had waited for her children to come back before she left for a much better place. According to the hospice nurse, Mom suddenly turned her head up towards the ceiling, her eyes making contact with something or someone who made her smile sweetly, and then she just stopped breathing...the slight smile still on her face.

Even in her frail condition, she had held on strong. That's what I mean by "steel magnolia." A beautiful southern woman with the unbelievable strength of steel. Funny thing is: her favorite flower was the magnolia.

Fly with the angels, Mom, surrounded by lovely scented magnolias. I love you.

Diary of a Mad Housewife

Hello, my chitlins. Here I am again, throwing myself upon your mercy, apologizing for being delinquent with the blog thingy. I don't want to bum out your day, but I've practically been on round-the-clock vigil with my mother for the last 11 days or so. Unfortunately, we all have to die and she's no exception, though she's taking her time, as she told a friend she would. Yup, it's a bummer. But let me say wow, mom's one strong woman! And let me also say the hospice system is awesome.


But enough of that.


Today I had to run back to the grocery store after work. I say "back" because, as lack-of-luck would have it, somehow my loaf of bread didn't make it into my bags yesterday. Grrrr. Oh well, they made good and let me go grab a loaf and didn't even take a look at my receipt. Damn, why didn't I say I wanted some of this:


Have you ever? This is the single most brilliant product name I've seen in a long, long while. I didn't have time to pick up a bottle, but I most certainly believe one of these has my name on it. Okay okay, I know I'm not a housewife, but I can surely go mad at times...mostly this past week or two. So there.


Anyway, y'all be good and hopefully I'll be posting a little more regularly real soon.

F Me Running

Heh. I've been hankering to post this picture ever since I took it lo, back in December 2006, when Merv & I found ourselves in Chelsea, NYC. We were on our way to meet some friends for dinner and I saw this sign. You New Yorkers may already know how the sales people at this fine establishment answer the phone, but I'm at a loss. Either way, my warped mind went where most of my readers' minds are going and I can't figure out how they get away with that.

But that is neither here nor there. Whatever that means. Matter of fact, I've always wanted to say that, too.

That is neither here nor there.

Damn, two things in one day. I must be livin' on borrowed time.

Nevertheless, last weekend, as I rode with Alec Roeser and lil bro Doug from RundgrenRadio (can I push this radio show any more?) from the Peachtree State (what's up with calling every street Peachtree anyways?) to South Carolina on our way to catch another Todd Rundgren concert, we began discussing the various origins of use of the word "fuck."

Whoa, don't even think about flinching. You know I've got a potty mouth - I just tamp it down at times...unfortunately this leads to a waxy build-up and eventual explosion at the most inopportune times.

Let me 'splain. A week or so ago, I had my arms full of stuff, including a newly opened can of nectar of the Gods - Diet Coke. I fumbled with the key to my door, unlocked my refuge, started to close the door and bent over to give CruiserDog a snuggle.

Yup - poor CruiserDog was then cascaded with a waterfall of Diet Coke and a barrage of the following words: "WELL FUCK ME!"

*click*

Yup, the door closed after my announcement to the world. Nice. Score another one for my neighbors who are already intrigued by the wild parties they think I throw every night.

I cleaned up CruiserDog and the floor and walls that had been sprinkled with Diet Coke and went about my business: checking the mail, feeding the dog, changing clothes - when suddenly, I whacked the bony part of my hand on the corner of the kitchen counter.

"WELL FUCK ME AGAIN!"

I snickered, thinking that if anyone was approaching my front door, they surely had backed away, not wanting to disturb me gettin' some - apparently for the second time and I'd only been home 10 minutes.

I was telling Doug about this story when he told me how his boss always says "FUCK ME RUNNING!"

Okay. Herein lies the purpose of this entry and I need your help. What does "fuck me running" actually mean?

No, seriously - who would've ever coined that phrase in the first place? It's not like you could possibly do that while jogging. Can you? Can you? We couldn't figure it out. Really, I'm perplexed. This is keeping me up at night and quite possibly causing undue stress on me.

The only thing giving me any peace is that I was finally able to use this photo on the blog. It's a good thing.

Getting That Old Southern Twang

Jeepers, has it been that long since I posted last? And how often do I say "jeepers" anyway? Yikes.

The world turns faster and faster these days for CruiserMel - and I suppose it does for you, too. Jeepers!

Last weekend I boarded yet another plane, headed east to Alabama - with a banjo on my knee - or was that an iPod? I met up with lil bro Doug of RundgrenRadio and we launched what we just know is going to be a lovely career in the music biz for Alec Roeser. Don't look surprised - I told you I was going into the music business!

We had three gigs in so many days and Alec kicked some serious tail. The Birmingham crowds really liked his beautiful voice and magical keys, not to mention his boyish good looks and dreamy songwriting. I was so proud of Alec. And Doug, the promoter extraordinaire. Nice job, boys.

I know I've got readers in the deep south, and let me just say this: if you want to see a budding talent before he makes the cover of Tiger Beat magazine, you would do yourself a favor by checking him out. No worries - I'll let you know where and when.

And there will be plenty of wheres and whens. Believe.

This weekend I'll head east yet again - good grief - to Georgia and South Carolina to see a couple of Todd shows and connect with some fellow Toddheads. Again. I know, I know. Call it what you will - midlife crisis, too much time on my hands, the desire to max-out my credit card, a love of airport food - but I'm going no matter what you say. So there. Updates to follow upon my return. Ah swayeh.

In the meantime, I will be hosting the RundgrenRadio show tonight, my chitlins. Yup. I'm chipping away at my 15 minutes of fame and going coast to coast! So check it out - 8:30 pm eastern time. Some good tunes, some good convo, some giggles, some ums, and lots of fun. Guar-on-teed.

My Apologies To The 'Rents With This One

I've come into the 21st century, folks. It only took me 8 years, but I finally own a laptop! Contain yourselves, please.

Today I had to drive to the DHL office to pick up said laptop. On my way over and back, I cut through the SMU campus, as I've done most of my life.

Oh I was never a student there, but I spent many a night at the SMU library and the student center back when I was just a pup. And by pup, I mean not old enough to realize what a pain in the ass I surely was back then.

Travel back in time with me, folks. Back to the days before we had laptops, before we had desktop PCs, before there was a major in college called "computer science".... back to the time of the *gasp* card catalog and the Dewey decimal system.

I know. I know. I'm ancient. But I'm cute, so you love me. Say it. SAY IT!

Back in high school, we had these things called term papers. Do they still do those? Probably not - that would require our nation's youth to earn their diplomas. Shut my mouth.

Anyhoo, we'd spend weeks gathering information from the card catalog, microfiche (whatever the F that was) and periodicals. We'd spend hours in the "stacks" gathering book after book (remember those?) and pile ourselves into the smoking lounge (oh yeah, they had those back then, too) at the SMU library and begin to compare and contrast the offerings of Issac Asimov and Ray Bradbury or debate the issue of euthanasia. And we used words like juxtaposition, which I haven't used since then.

And smoke cigarettes and flirt with the frat boys. And flirt. And flirt. And fuckin' flirt some more!

Come ON. We were 16 at best. We thought we were so friggin' cool - trying to get invited to the weekend's keg party. Never happened, sorry to say. I mean, we weren't even done filling out our bras, yet we thought these guys would be all over inviting jail bait to their drunk fests. Only now, decades later, do I realize just how smart those guys were after all, but at the time, it was nothing but disappointment - until the next evening when we would meet at the library and start all over again.

It's a wonder I graduated from high school with the hours I wasted on flirting in the smoking lounge. Hey, I don't think I ever made less than a B+ on any of those papers and that wasn't even trying.

Mom & Dad, sorry, but I didn't really apply myself. Except in the flirting department. And that was a science I didn't master until my mid-20's. And it had nothing to do with the fine education you graciously provided. If you'd only known what was going on at that library. Oh yeah, you probably did. So thanks.

*Can anyone help me with my transition into the 21st century by telling me how to make that playlist thingy move over to the left a little?

Lest Ye Think You're Having a Bad Day

My friend L has been trying to get me to notice the beauty that surrounds us in our cold, cruel world. Today, as I was goofing off at work, I found this in our building's courtyard:

Now, I ask you: how can a person stay grumpy when this is just outside the window?

Tonight I'm going to go see "21" for one of the following reasons:

1. I wish I was 21 again.

2. I'm in dire need of a trip to Vegas.

3. Jim Sturgess. Need I say more?

4. All of the above.

Hint: All of the above. See L? I'm noticing the beauty that lies all around us...... Happy HumpDay y'all!

Temporary Sanity?

In light of most every part of my life becoming ferhoodled (another way of saying eff'd-up) in the past couple of months - work, family matters, concert / dvd planning, etc - I seem to have lost a portion of my mind. The practical portion. Yes, my dahlinks, I must be crazy.

There. I said it.

Last week, I realized I would have Friday off for holiday. What's a girl to do with a spare day she wasn't counting on, you ask?

Well, I'll tell you.

She whips out the MasterCard, logs-on, and throws together a 27 hour trip to Chicagoland. There's nothing like feeling the sting of booking a flight two days before the plane takes off. (Good grief, how do they get away with what they charge?)

I closed my eyes and tried to reason that "it's only money," grabbed my camera and passport (yes, I keep it handy just in case a stray cruise ship appears on my front porch right here in Dallas) and headed for the aeropuerto at 5:30 Friday morning.

Don't get me wrong, Chicago is a fantabulous place - one of my favorites - but indeed, there was a reason for my crazies. His name is Kasim.

Oh, come on - you've read this far - you may as well stick with it.

No, actually, I was getting sick of the nice Dallas weather and wanted to get me a little of this:

I kid. But get a load of that? It was 50 degrees the day before I got there and apparently the Ice Fairy decided Chicago needed one more visit to the deep freeze for the vernal equinox and my thin-blooded arrival.

My flight got a wee bit ferhoodled (as is my M.O. most days) as I landed at Midway and yet my hotel was up near O'Hare. Not usually a problem, but on a blizzardy day like Friday, with me behind the wheel of a strange vehicle, there was a good chance I would end up wishing I'd purchased the additional insurance coverage from the rental place. Alas, the Magic Of Todd (and all things Todd i.e. since my goal was to see Kasim again, the M.O.T. does apply here) got me there in one piece in time to take a little rest, whore-up, and call a taxi - because I was in need of adult bevs and the above combo of CruiserMel, blowing snow, rental car, and booze seemed like it would be pushin' it a little.

I got to the Abbey Pub in time to see some of my fellow Kasim and Todd-heads and grab a bite at the bar before the show. It was great to see K1, K2, J, S, etc. again! It's so funny when we like-minds converge upon the un-enlightened. And we do cause a presence indeed. That bar didn't know what hit them.

K1 finished her supper before I did, so she sprinted into the actual showroom when the door opened and grabbed a place for us down in front, since CruiserMel does not suffer the travel ghoulies just to sit in the shadows. Nun-unh. Apparently, neither does K1. This is why we are friends.

Our other friend (K2) had brought along two friends of her boyfriend (not really sure why) and was trying to ditch them...but they pulled chairs up in front of us, only to have the pleasure of hearing K1 shoo them away like the pests they were. Heh. Behold The Magic of Todd.

If you've watched the youtube video below, you know that Kasim and Jesse left Doug behind somewhere in Ohio, so I can't tell you if he exercised his thumb and made it to Chicago, at least not until another episode of "Backstage Pass" - but I can tell you that Kasim was at the top of his game, sang beautifully, played some new songs and told some hysterical stories. (I love that.)

Woo. I outdid myself with that picture, didn't I? Nummy.

After some mingling after the show, K1, K2 and I stumbled back into the pub area to share some photos, some stories, some gossip, and finish off a cocktail or two. But before too long, K2 was whisked away by a very cranky boyfriend who had been plowing snow all day, K1 had to make an hour drive south to wherever she lives and someone from another country pulled his yellow cab alongside the curb to drive CruiserMel to her hotel.

The next day, the sun was shining and I found my favorite Chicago-style pizza joint (Gino's East), pigged-out on some awesome pizza pie, drove back to Midway and in a few hours time, was back at home.

Was it worth the hassle and the (serious) airfare? Hell yeah. It always is, when Kasim or Todd is concerned. Besides, crazy people don't know they're crazy, do they?

On the Road to Utopia, er Chicago

Yes, it's another blog entry about Kasim. But this one is different, I promise!

Kasim does these video blogs, called "Backstage Pass" whenever he's on the road with Meat Loaf, Todd, etc., but the funniest ones are when he's on the road, literally, with his side-kick(s) Doug and (this time) Jesse.

Take 3 minutes out of your busy schedule, sit back and relax.

And remind me to tell you about my current insanity next time.....stay tuned.

And The Whole Groupie Thing Begins

Happy Monday, y'all! I hope everyone had a fun and restful weekend. Me? Aw, thanks for asking.

Fun? Yes. Restful? NEVAH!

You may remember a Dallas-area band I spoke about called the Badenders. Well, they are really starting to see some rewards for their efforts. Their cd is doing well. They are getting gigs more and more often, and they played at SXSW in Austin last week to a full-house and great reviews. Things are clickin' right along for Dan, Will, Guydon and Chris. Yay!

Last night I headed out to the House of Blues to see our little boys, er young men, being the opening act for Ben Jelen. Not a shabby gig. I had not heard of Ben Jelen before, but I was impressed enough to throw down $11 for a cd that has been playing in a constant loop in my computer today. He's quite a talent.

So, I pull up to the valet and lo and behold the little guy who parked my car about had an orgasm because as he said "these cars rock!" I was afraid for my little car's life - and had visions of the scene with the car-parkers in "Ferris Bueller," but was relieved to see my new baby parked right up front with the Porches, the Cadillac STS's and the other grownup cars. I've gotta admit - that's pretty dang cool - to see that they know good taste and reward it by parking it right up front. And no, there weren't a bunch of extra mileage on it. Oh, did I mention I bought a new car a couple of weeks ago when all hell was breaking loose in my life? No stress there...but I digress.

I bought a ticket and headed for the door when I was asked to open my purse, presumably to screen for concealed weapons and liquor. (whew, glad I didn't pack that half-gallon of vodka or my 357) To my chagrin, the woman pulled me aside as if I was a common criminal and made me hand over my - I can't believe I'm even writing this - Sharpies! My sharpies! O. M. G. How would I live without my groupie supplies? What did they think I gonna do with those? Actually, she ended up being pretty nice and explained that for the shows where the audience is pretty young, they have to confiscate sharpies, etc to curb the graffiti. Yeah, I guess I do look a little shady at times - and twitch when I have the opportunity to tag the ladies room stall doors with "CruiserMel Was Here." Evs.

Let me get this off my chest: who is dressing today's youth? And by youth, I mean 18-25 yr olds who will run this country of ours in our old age. Seriously. Do they own mirrors? Let's begin with their hair. How is it they can make their hair look so dirty? Do they cut their hair with razor blades or garden shears or do they just pull it until it breaks? And what's with letting it hang in their faces to the point where they actually can't see to walk? Or there are the others who, on this warm spring night, were wearing knit ski caps with their tshirts and shorts. Mmmmkay. If they weren't wearing shorts - they were wearing those low-rise, hip-hugger, skin-tight pants that I'm sure haven't been washed in weeks. Girls and boys. I have yet to see a human butt look halfway decent in these pants. And that low-rise just makes their bodies look like stretched noodles on really short legs. Ugh. I've become my mother. This called for a trip to the bar to clear my head of these unattractive visions.

Anyhoo, moving on.

Dan and company only got to play about 30 minutes, but it was fun to see how they've developed their live show and are really looking comfy cozy on stage now. They've even got some new songs that I'm anxiously awaiting release on cd when they do get in the studio again.

The guys did great and the crowd was into it. I even saw some lighters go up over head, old school style, among the cellphone lights.

But the fun didn't end there.

During Ben Jelen's set, Dan came rushing over to me, breathless.

Dan: "The whole groupie thing is starting!"
CM: "That's great!"
Dan: "No! I'm not ready!"
CM: "What happened? What do you mean?"
Dan: "I got, like, 5 phone numbers up at the bar."
CM: "That's a problem, how?"
Dan: "No, that's cool. But I was just standing there and this girl comes up and grabs my balls and is, like, all 'you're so precious' and well, I'm not ready for that!"
CM: *snicker*

Be careful what you wish for, Dan.

Acoustic Atlanta

I know what you're saying...."Cruiser, where the hell have you been hiding?"

In plain sight, kiddies, in plain sight. It's just that all effin' hell broke out over the past couple of weeks and I just couldn't get myself to the computer for much more than work and yadda yadda yadda...okay, so I've been neglectful. There, I said it. We okay now?

So, it's been over a week since CruiserMel and Co. put on a show in a barn with puppets, naked lumberjacks and Nordic dancing...

Nah, just testing y'all.

Actually, our presentation of An Acoustic Evening With Kasim Sulton in Atlanta was a smashing success. Oh, it was harrrrrd work, but the end-result was a resounding "attawaytogo!" The theatre was a mess when we arrived, but Carrie from Groupie Gear! put her decorating hat on and threw together a beautiful set that will look awesome on the final DVD. She also handled ticket sales, selling merch, and was mistress of the excel spreadsheet. Her husband Dave took over duties of HD camera dude extraordinaire, manning two cameras and supervising one other. My lil bro Doug from RundgrenRadio.com played venue-scout, publicist, pimp, and Master of Ceremonies, while yours truly was CEO of Talent Accommodations, merch maiden and interviewer for the DVD (to be made available in a few weeks, just in case you were wanting a copy, and you know you do).

None of these "music promoter" jobs were easy, seeing as how not a one of us actually live in Atlanta, but Atlanta was the chosen locale and our little team rose to the occasion to present a fabulous night of music for our guests and I think our stars really dug it, too.

One of my duties as CEO of Talent Accommodations was to feed da boys backstage. Now you just put that judgemental smirk away. We're talkin' party trays, people. Party trays!

So, I headed out to the local wrap sandwich shop for a couple of party trays. When I arrived at 2:10, I was told that they close at 3:00 and couldn't possibly get two party trays put together in time. Being in a city I was not at all familiar with, I had to think fast. Matching wits against sandwich artists such as these was....well, judge for yourselves.

(Glancing at the catering menu, seeing that a party tray consists of 5 delicious wrap sandwiches, sliced in quarters, and placed neatly on a party tray...)

CruiserMel: You can't make two party trays in 50 minutes?
Sandwich Dude: No way. Ain't gonna happen. We have to close at 3:00.
CruiserMel: *pause* Okay. Can you make 5 sandwiches for me?
Sandwich Dude: Uh, yeah.
CruiserMel: Can you slice them in quarters?
Sandwich Dude: Uh, yeah.
CruiserMel: Can you put them on a tray?
Sandwich Dude: Sure! No problem.

........
CruiserMel: Now, can you make 5 more sandwiches for me?
Sandwich Dude: Uh, yeah.
CruiserMel: Can you slice them in quarters?
Sandwich Dude: Uh, yeah.

CruiserMel: Can you put them on a tray?
Sandwich Dude: Sure! Not a problem.

*crickets*

Done deal, Lucille. And within 30 minutes, I had two party trays in hand, though they apparently were NOT party trays. Evs.

We started off with a local musician, Alec Roeser, who proved he really does have the talent and charm to move an audience with his wonderful music. And his dark dark eyes and boyish good looks (well, he is only 18) won over the hearts of the females in attendance. Check him out. Cute huh?
And then......
...it was time for Kasim and his band to take the stage. It was amazing! Kas has put together a new solo show for this tour and there were some very nice surprises in the setlist. To say I was thrilled to be witnessing the taping of his DVD would be an understatement. Surprised? I thought not.

Anyway - it was a magical evening, great fun and we (RundgrenRadio and Groupie Gear) will soon be the proud parents of a bouncing baby DVD!

This might be the start of a new sideline for CruiserMel and that's pretty darn exciting.