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Dallas, Texas, United States

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Nubbins, Mark Wahlberg And The Boy Toy

Sorry, folks, for slackin' off on my blog duties. I guess there just hasn't been much going on in CruiserWorld.

No, I take that back. It's not like I just laze around, eating bon-bons, watching Lifetime movies and reading fan mail. I actually do some things.

Like laundry. And the occasional trip to the grocery store. It's a glamorous life, I know.

Let's touch upon just a few of the incredibly exciting events that have taken place since we last e-spoke, shall we?

It appears I've grown a nubbin. A nubbin, you ask? Remember that episode of "Friends" where it came out that Chandler has a third nipple? Yup. I've got one of those. It appeared this morning after I'd given CruiserDog a little walk in what has become the BAYOU that was once my backyard. Dallas has had more days of rain than I can count on two hands and that makes for some wicked mosquito breeding. Those little fuckers are apparently fucking and not practicing safe sex. So, yeah - one of those little babies made it's way down my shirt in my ample *cough* cleavage and made a feast of my porcelain skin. Needless to say, I've scratched it repeatedly during the day and now it is swollen and pink and kinda resembles the two little pillows on either side. Seriously, the thing is almost an inch across! And of course, I can't keep my hands away from it now. Nothing like reaching into one's shirt in public. I felt a little like one of those old men who can't keep their hands off their package when I was making my way down the aisles of the grocery store.

What else? Oh yeah, some of you have asked for a Boy Toy J story. Let me say that his schedule has changed recently so our time together is seeming more and more like we're having an affair instead of a relationship. It seems our time together doesn't even start until after 9:30 at night. I hate his job. Why oh why can't he have a regular 9-5 job with weekends off? But noooooooo. Grrrrr.

His last day off was Monday. Natch, I had to work and then go to one of my neighborhood association board meetings until about 8:30. He was at mi casa when I got home. Have I mentioned his ADHD lately? Yyyyeahhhhh, about that...... I got home and heard evidence of him before I saw it. He was sitting in his car, smoking a cigar, windows down, blaring something that he calls music. I call it metallic, grating, noise. Did I mention that I've got neighbors? Uh huh. My hackles were starting to stand at attention, but it was good to see him, since it had been several days since we'd seen eachother. He pointed out the stance I take when he's done something to irritate me and it made me giggle, which just pisses me off to no end. He stayed outside to finish his cigar. (at least the boy doesn't smoke those nasty things in my house)

Walk with me as I walk into my house, okay? I entered the kitchen area with no less than 3 cabinets open along with two drawers. This would be the kitchen equivalent of leaving the seat up in my book. Honestly, what's with that? He blames the ADHD. Is that really a symptom? Double grrrrr. I'm no Suzy Homemaker, but I do know to close a cabinet when I'm done with it. It's not so hard to do. Maybe he missed that day in school.

Then I hear music coming from the den. (Luckily, it was something from my collection). As I walk into the den, the television is also on - at the same time as the music. And Boy Toy J is outside? wtf?

It took some fast talking for J to get me to chill out, but we ended up having a fantastic evening and I got a great massage out of it. Bonus. He's so easy that way. Heh.

But I swear, I did not sign up to be his mommy, so this stuff is wearing thin. Do you have any advice for dealing with the un-medicated ADHD person? I hate for this to be a deal-breaker, and I'm not saying it is or isn't yet, but I've never known an adult like that. Seriously, I need advice on how to deal with this.

I saw a fantastic movie yesterday as it was raining (again) and any plans for the 4th of July were gone. It's running on the dish and it's probably 10 years old, but I'd never seen it. "Fear" with Reese Witherspoon and Mark Wahlberg. Oh wow. Is he hot or what?!?!? I don't know how this movie slipped past me the first time around. Dayum.

*excuse me, I have to scratch* *okay, I'm back*

Remember the girl I went to NYC with to see Kasim in December? Merv? Have y'all met? Anyway, she's in town this week and we're having a girls' night tonight. (My weekend begins officially when I finish this post.) There will be giggling and adult beverages. And absolutely no sleeping. Because that's how we gals roll, bro.

Hopefully, there will be something more interesting to write about than this post. Aw hell, there will be.....if I can only remember after killing the remaining braincells I've got left.

Soooo, I'm off to make some queso dip and apply a little benadryl to my nubbin.

Y'all have a great weekend, ya hear?


Tug said...

Have FUN with your friend!! I wish I could help with the closing of the doors & drawers thing, 'cause that would mean I could train my "boss", too. He does it all the time, AND leaves his office door unlocked, lights & radio on, etc. etc. etc.

Just Sayin' said...

Ya' know... There's a lot to be said for lazng around, eating bon-bons, watching Lifetime movies and reading fan mail.

I'm just sayin'...

Sassy Blondie said...

Thank God you posted...I was having withdrawals.

Now, to the nitty gritty: There is little you can do with an adult ADHD person that is unmedicated. Frankly, I think it is more of an excuse than a condition with BTJ. Sorry, but I know ADD/ADHD. Second, will a massage and sex do the trick and dissipate your anger for much longer. I don't know. Perhaps you should just be friends with benefits if this continues. I'm just sayin'...

Secondly, there's another Reese W movie that is both funny and scary with Kiefer Sutherland where she's a runaway white trash girl and he's a highway killer. Can't remember the name, but I think it's called "Freeway". Look into it.

Lastly, who can forget the nubbin episode? LOL Get something to put on that or you'll scratch a scar between your boobies. Not good.

Oh..and have a fabulous girls weekend! I'm taking bratty children to Six Flags..

Golightly said...

"Those little fuckers are apparently fucking and not practicing safe sex. " HILARIOUS.

You have some serious patience and forgiveness that I need lessons on; I would have blew a fuse walking into my house like that. Aww - at least the night ended well ;)

Slip him some ritalin, possibly?

RockDog said...

I think this nubbin thing sounds exciting! It's the thing that dreams are made of...

Have a great weekend!


RockDog Unleashed - Saturdays @ Midnight Eastern!

Circe said...

AHAHAHA! Love your posts, missy! Sorry I can't help with the ADHD. And I understand about the mosquitoes. Good Lord! Here I'm all hurting last night trying to read a book before bed and one was buzzing around me looking to move in for the kill. I accidentally sent the book flying in a vain attempt to drive it off and never did find that sneaky sucker (though I'm not sporting a 3rd nip today)!

Oh, and vigorous nod to Mark Wahlberg. YUMMY! ;)

Anonymous said...

So, you're saying he has the code and key to the house? WTF you thinking Cruiser - seriously - happy you got somebody BUT???
Love ya Miss Ya - S & B

Anonymous said...

...and reading fan mail.

You get fan mail? Totally unfair.

I am an unmedicated ADHD person, and loving every minute of it. I can't seem to sit still... For instance, if I have to delete a line of letters here, I'll use my right hand to press the delete key. As I'm doing that, my left hand will tap at random letters because I can't sit still OH LOOK A BIRDIE

Anonymous said...

Anyways, can I link to you?

Lindystar said...

Glad to hear you're getting my fan mail. You didn't mention the picutres??? J/K

AH I LOVE it when you post!!! You think nothing is going on but you make it so damn FUNNY!!

The thing about the boobs *ahem*, the scratching, endless giggles!!

Boy Toy.
Honestly. Sit down with him, have a serious talk about what he needs to do and not do, (make a list, boys don't take hints or generlizations.) Make sure you tell him that you like him, and stoke his ego a bit so he doens't get all man-pissy, but make it CLEAR what the hook goan B.

If you lay down the law and they get it and stick with it (occasional slip-ups ommited) great, but if it turns you into someone who has to Nag? That's not cool and it'll ruin shit. Or worse you'll just shut down and not say anything and slowly start to hate the person until you blow up and go crazy and dump their ass. (I've done both it's not pretty)

Make your stand and stick with it. We'll be here which ever way it goes.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, I couldn't leave without using the phrase 'trinipular abomination'. I'm done now.

CruiserMel said...

Hey, thanks everone for all your advice on the adhd thing. I only wish it was as easy as slipping him a ritalin.

But I did bring it up again over the weekend so he knows it's still foremost in my mind all the time.

S&B (aka anonymous): don't fret, he doesn't have a key or code for that matter. I'd left a door open for him, for all of 5 minutes. no worries, mon.