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Dallas, Texas, United States

Thursday, July 12, 2007

What a Wanker

Feeling punie yesterday, I didn't return to work after lunch. It's this nagging, probably allergy-related crud that's grabbed hold of me at least three times since April and knocks the ever-lovin' crap out of me. The past two bouts have led to strep throat, but this time I may have bitch-slapped it into submission by actually hitting the "airborne" tablets and taking to my bed at the first sign of the post-nasal drip. (What? TMI? Sowwy.) I slept all afternoon, evening, and night. I woke up this morning a little groggy and slow, but I felt much better for having taken care of myself this time.

Because I was moving a bit slowly, I called the office and begged for an additional hour or so to clear my head (and nasal passages).

I need to do this more often. I had no idea what happens at my house after I leave for work until today. Within the first 1/2 hour I was at home, my telephone rang. I've got relatives of advanced ages so when the phone rings at odd times of the day or night, my skin tends to cringe and my heart falls a little.

I ran to the phone with dread in my bones and saw 586 as the area code on the caller ID. 586? Where is that? Who is that?

Me: Hello?

586: Hi. You doing good this morning?

Me: I guess.

586: Well, I'm ready.

Me: Who is this?

586: Does it matter?

Me: *looking at the caller ID* Who is this?

586: Aren't you ready to get it on?

("get it on"????? Who says that? Barry White?)

Me: *reading from the caller ID* Gary? Is this you? *pause* This is Gary M____y, isn't it?

586: CLICK.

I snickered to myself a little and thought how sad it was that Gary had reached me instead of some desperate housewife who would've surely appreciated his effort. I went back to my hair drying when I heard the phone ring again.

Me: Hello?

586: You know me?

Me: Of course I do.

586: What a coincidence. Huh.

Me: It is. What do you want?

586: I guess I've called you before. You know what I want.

Me: *putting on my best morning sexy voice, well, as sexy as I can muster with sinus problems* Well, I know what I want, Gary.

586: What's that? If I help you, you'll help me. I'm ready, Baby.

Me: I want your address. I've got your phone number, so I'm planning on calling the police. If I could have your address, it would save them some trouble.

586: Bitch! CLICK.

Now I ask you - who in this day and age makes phone calls like this anymore? Even little children have figured out the concept of caller ID and don't call to see if your refrigerator is running. Even if you want to make a crank call (or perv call) there is a way to make one's self anonymous by dialing a * and then some code before you dial the number. (Obviously, I don't make crank calls or I would know the code.)

Oh well, I can't say I've had that kind of fun in a long time. I think I should be late for work more often. Besides, Gary might just call tomorrow.


Sassy Blondie said...

Damn, Cruiser! You got a sex call? Lock all the doors and windows...this creeps me out!

Anonymous said...

*67. And you had nearly limitless entertainment potential there. Limitless.
You could tried to work in gerbils, heavy machinery, etc...

Also, wouldn't it have been easier, to just ask him for his address without the whole cops thing? I bet he would have given it to you.

Sgt said...

That was great.

But seriously.. how DID you know it was me? I work part-time as a creepy phone caller. It doesn't pay well, but it passes the time.

RockDog said...

Hope you're feeling better.

Warmest Regards,


Kerry said...

HAHAHA awesome! I didnt know anyone made those calls anymore. That is so old school! ;)

He needs to get up with the times... technology baby!

tfg said...

That guy must have been a techno-tard. He should be e-mailing pictures of his doughnut holder, like the rest of us.

puerileuwaite said...

That's why I use a payphone, er, why I WOULD use a payphone if I engaged in those types of activities. In fact, I think I'll use a payphone right now to file a report on that guy. What are you wearing? They'll want me to include that in the report.

Lindystar said...

OH my Jesus. Well guess that wasn't Jesus, so just SHIT!

Can I have his number so I can call him and make my own perv call? Cuz that would be fun.

OOooo or you should totally save his # and drunk call him sometime with some friends and really fuck with him. I'm with Alan, this SO has potential.

P.S. I'm jealous, what a great post.

jeremy said...

i find that alcohol kills most germs.