A Very Cruiser Birthday Report

This posting is coming way late because, well frankly, it was all I could muster yesterday to get myself clean and dressed for work. Matter of fact, once I got to work yesterday, it occurred to me that maybe, just maybe, I'd forgotten to wear pants. Luckily, one quick glance downward and I was assured that yes, I can accomplish basic hygiene and dressing while severely sleep-deprived and possibly still drunk at 8:00 in the morning.

Let me say first, to my readers - if I could reach right through your monitor, you'd be getting one of those sloppy, "I love ya, man" hugs from me for all your well-wishes for my burfday. That being said - I guess y'all might want my book report on CruiserMel's b-day bash. You do, right?

Where to start? The good part, you say? Mmmmokay.

I got home from work to find two packages on my front porch....gifts I'd given myself. One was a presh pair of shoes I had been jonesin' for and I love them. I want to walk around the house wearing only these shoes. Girls, only you can understand the power that just the right pair of shoes can do to the female psyche, right? The other package was something Lindy's written about on her blog and well, it's personal.....and for me and only me. Thanks for the recommendation, LindyGirl. That's enough about that. *wink*

SOOOOO, Boy Toy J's best friend from childhood was flying in to Dallas Tuesday night. Yeah, he didn't consult my birth certificate before he made his plans. That was okay with me, I'm all about having two dates for my birthday. And believe me, ladies, if you'd seen his friend, you would've totally dumped Brad Pitt for him! I am not kidding, hubbada hubbada. Tall, dark, commanding, and so very vague about what he does for a living that I started thinking he's the leader of some drug cartel in Florida. Not really, but he was larger than life and I secretly swooned when I saw him and almost thanked Boy Toy J for giving him to me, but I thought better of that.

The three of us went to a Salvadoran restaurant, because not only am I all about having two dashing escorts, but I dig me some ethnic cuisine and we had food I could not pronounce and drinks that I could. Far too many drinks. The guys spoke fluent Spanish with the waiters (did I ever tell you BTJ grew up in Miami?). I just sipped my mojitos and ate plantains and other weird stuff and grinned because I had the two best looking dates in the room. Somewhere along the way, I missed that they were conspiring with the waiters to embarrass me. So after dinner, BTJ's friend was telling boyhood tales of growing up with BTJ and we were laughing hysterically when suddenly I sensed a gathering of waiters behind me and the warmth of the candle on the chocolate flan starting to singe the hair on the back of my head. Um yeah - it was song-time! They sang a birthday song in Spanish, not "she's had too much to drink and wants to take off her panties," but I'm not 100% certain. The waiter kissed me full on the lips and said something about "hayyyyyy, mamasita." I think that was a compliment?

Then BTJ gave me my present - a very sweet, but not too sweet cuz I hate those things, card and tickets to see Patty Smyth & Scandal in August. We all know I loves me some 80's music! Apparently, he's willing to spend an evening in POP hell with me since I've been to METAL hell with him a coupla times. Cool. (When I was younger, I wanted to be Patty Smyth. She was so cute and that girl could sing! Still can.) The boy did good and um, yeah, there was a public display of affection involved. (No, Lindy, not a blow-job. Just sayin.)

We got the boot at 11:00 and somehow wobbled our way across Greenville Avenue to the 7-11. (For those of you not familiar with Dallas, Greenville Avenue is a party street that is usually populated by drunks behind the wheel - so crossing on foot isn't the brightest idea.....) The guys bought some beer, we went to my house since it was closest and we had a blasty-blast with more stories of BTJ's childhood. (Ladies, this is a very good way to glean information about your man. Just sayin.)

Unfortunately, we had to get BTJ's friend to his hotel. I think it was around 2:00, but I'm not sure. We said "hasta la vista" to his friend and went back to mi casa. There was more alcohol and even some sex involved. I think there was an Oriental rug involved, too. Hey, it's my house and I can do it wherever I want! Thwpppppt.

I'm not sure how, but I got up at 7:00, showered, dressed, took CruiserDog outside, woke BTJ up from the dead and sent him on his merry way just in time to find myself running for the bathroom to throw up quickly before leaving for the office. Any normal person would've thought hmm, maybe something's wrong with me at that point....but not me. Nope - I just grabbed my keys, set the burglar alarm, and drove to work. Have you ever been on auto-pilot and done that? Yeah, I'm not normal.

I got to work, found out I had pants on and when my boss asked how I was doing I didn't hide my secret. I told him I felt like poop and was quite possibly still drunk. He was leaving at noon for a vacation and said he was hoping HE would feel the same the next day. (Oh hell no, Boss, you know not what you speak of! Don't do it!)

But bottom line - Tuesday was a very great day. BTJ did well. BTJ's friend is a hottie who was a pleasure to meet. [Aside: do I have any eligible female readers in Miami - because I'd hook ya up in a heartbeat.] Mojitos are yummy, but maybe one is the magic number for future reference. Sex on the floor. AND I get to see Scandal. Good times.

The beautiful part about birthdays, besides calories that don't count and funny cards, is that once it's over, you don't have to do that again for a year. Thank God.