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Dallas, Texas, United States

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Aphid Poop

I try to make it my practice to not watch the local news on telly. It's not that I don't care what goes on in Dallas, but since 9/11 I've been a news junkie and frankly, our city council folks and their shenanigans (never thought I would have the occasion to write that word) don't blow my skirt up. So I've gone through bouts with compulsive cable news-watching over the past 5 years. LOVE me some FoxNews in the A.M. and I admit to having a slight crush on Anderson Cooper (CNN). Even Tucker Carlson looks kind of cute, in a bad girl/geeky guy way. But for some reason I found myself watching the 10:00 news last night.

I am soooooooo never watching that again.

Imagine my surprise when they teased that they had something I needed to know.....after the break.

Indeed, I did need to know. Apparently the nasty, gooey stuff on my car is not pecan tree sap. Uh-oh. This can't be good. Radioactive fallout? GEEZ WOMAN, TELL ME BEFORE I GO TRIM MY BANGS, BECAUSE I SWEAR I'LL DO IT!

No, it's not fallout. It's poop. Aphid friggin poop. According to the expert interviewed, aphids are the "pigs of the insect world." (yet another phrase I never thought I would write) These little boogers gorge themselves on the sugar in leaves so much so that they are constantly pooping to make room for more leaf sugar. It's sort of like they are bulimic bugs. Eeeewwww.

What's frightening is that this actually made the news. Dallas must be overrun with the little pigs. Now that's really a boggling thought.

Or maybe it was a slow news day. I'll stick to FoxNews next time I need a fix.

On a positive note, CruiserMel is off to the east coast this weekend for some fun and frolic with her life-long buds, E & Merv. It'll be a weekend of virtually zero sleep, non-stop girl-talk, lots of alcohol, and we're catching a show by Todd Rundgren and The New Cars. My insides are jumping with glee. Todd. Lovin' me some Todd. I could just eat him up til I poop on my own car!

Happy Weekend, y'all. Okay, be off with yourself! NOW.

6 comments:

Dezdmona said...

Waaaay too much information.

Have fun on the Coast & give my best to E & Merv. :)

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Radiguy said...

I learned from a very smart woman we both love dearly to not look up and that is tree sap.............

Boo Boo Kitty said...

You know I think there is stuff like that on everyone's local network, and I dont understand it. lol How exactly does the big story get picked? And more importantly, who figured out that the gunk is poop? lol Too funny. The one thing I do love about Dallas is Taco Bueno!

KP said...

If you cut your own bangs, Bill will get mad & refuse to cut your hair anymore. Then, where would I get my Bill updates? Huh? How could you be so selfish? ;)

CruiserMel said...

Sowwy, KP. *hanging heavily banged head in shame*